“Why Can’t I Find A Girlfriend?” 3 Possible Reasons Why

"Why Can't I Find A Girlfriend?" 3 Possible Reasons WhyIf you ever asked yourself the question “why can’t I find a girlfriend” then you are asking something many guys have grappled with but the key is to not let it paralyze you.  If you let it your brain will come up with all sorts of negative reasons why.  If you ask that question and then start to answer “Because I’m too <fat, skinny, tall, short, smart, dumb, etc., etc.>” then you’ve already set yourself up for failure.

The better thing to do is start with YOU – finding a girlfriend doesn’t begin with her – it is all about what you bring to the table.  I teach guys that they have to be the type of guy she wants to be with – in other words you attract what you become.

Keeping that in mind, here are 3 possible reasons why you’re struggling:

"Why Can't I Find A Girlfriend?" 3 Possible Reasons WhyReason #1:  You Don’t Pay Enough Attention To The Image You Present
If you want a classy lady you can go long-term with you have to be a classy guy.  Yes, yes, I know you’ve seen beautiful women with what you consider to be dirtbags but take that out of your skull – you have no idea what goes on behind closed doors in their relationship and just because she’s beautiful and articulate doesn’t mean she isn’t a dirtbag either.  I teach guys to look for FLEXIBLE GIVERS THAT ARE KIND AND GENTLE (you can get more in my relationship advice column weekly found on my blog).

If you want to attract a lady like that pay attention to your teeth (FIX THEM if they’re bad), your clothes, and the way you groom yourself (growing a forest out of your nose? get out the chainsaw – err, nose clippers).

Beyond your physical appearance do you pay attention to the way you speak to women?  Do you have a light and funny demeanor or are you Mr. Serious or even Mr. Angry?  Remember that she’ll be attracted to the way you look (so look the best you can) but also if you’re what SHE considers a DIRTBAG then you have no shot.

"Why Can't I Find A Girlfriend?" 3 Possible Reasons WhyReason #2:  You’re Too Needy (Or Too Macho)
FLEXIBLE GIVERS don’t want a guy up in their grills (texting her 3 minutes after you get her number, sending flowers the next day, calling all the time) nor do they want a caveman that thinks he owns her.  Women want a GENTLEMAN – the perfect mix of Mr. Sensitive and Mr. Cro-Magnon.  You also have to learn how to be a CHALLENGE because women, whether they like to admit it or not, love the chase.

Reason #3:  You Start Out Strong And Finish Weak
Everything was going GREAT for the first few months or so and then bam – once again you’re out in the cold.  Why?  In many cases it’s because the guy thinks he can relax once he’s got her. First of all UNTIL SHE’S YOUR GIRLFRIEND COUNT ON NOTHING WHEN IT COMES TO HER.  I don’t care if you’ve had 8 dates with her and you think she’s the greatest thing going since the networks decided to show football nearly all week long – she is a STRANGER until you really vet her out.

I see so many guys OVERRATE her feelings towards them just because they’re attracted to her and she *seems* like a good girl.  I teach guys to go SLOWLY and really make sure she has long-term potential.

Assuming that you found a long-term potential candidate – and I assure you that if you’re reading my materials for the first time your definition of what constitutes long-term potential is much different from mine (due to all the brainwashing in your head from the major media and Hollywood) – don’t veer from what got her.

So many guys start out one way with the girl and think they can “relax and be themselves” once she’s showing signs of being into you (or if she’s your girlfriend).


Remember this – ROMANTIC LOVE IS CONDITIONAL – if you want her long-term you must start out strong and stay strong – for, say, about 40 years (or however long you’re together).

I Want To Know More!
Of course you do!  So, you should take my 7-day FREE trial to The Doc Love Club because I’ll teach you what kind of girl to look for and how to keep the right one.  You get over 90 hours of audio and weekly articles for members only (and more!).  Take your 7-day FREE trial NOW (plus I’ll give you EIGHT FREE CHAPTERS to my hyper popular SYSTEM AUDIO BOOK just for test driving this).

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Hey Doc,

I’ve been talking to Ivana for the past two months. We work at the same hospital and are both graduate students. The communication and interest was there for both of us from the beginning. A couple weeks ago she asked me if I wanted to have a study date with her at her place. Unfortunately, that day was a horrific day for me at work. When I was finally finished, I sent her a text message asking if we were still going to meet. She didn’t respond, so I went home to chill out, and waited to see if she would contact me. Nothing. So I simply went on with my evening. 

The following day Ivana texted me asking what had happened and telling me that she was actually mad at me. She apparently never got my text. So I explained what happened and she said she was okay with it. I asked her if she wanted to reschedule our study date but she didn’t respond. After that, our text messaging diminished. A week later, after not hearing from her but seeing her at work, I surprised her with a flower at her desk. We talked and she explained how busy she was with work and buying new furnishings for her house, and she explained that she wasn’t mad at me.

Last Friday, before I left work, I asked Ivana if she wanted to go to a baseball game on Saturday. She didn’t hesitate and said yes. She wanted to get the tickets for free since she knows family friends who have box seats. Saturday came, I called her and got no answer. I waited to see if she would at least send me a notification that she was cancelling the date, but NOTHING!


Now, I’ve been cool about it since we work in the same hospital. I saw her on Monday and said hi in a collected and calm way. She said nothing whatsoever about what happened. Doc, I think it all went downhill when I didn’t show up at Ivana’s place for our study date. I’ve heard numerous suggestions from friends for how to deal with the situation: brush it off, forget her, let her come to me, play hard to get, or simply make her life miserable. I feel that it can be fixed with Ivana, but I don’t want to approach her as needy or ticked off. I know for a fact that she is disappointed in me for not showing up to that study date, but really, can one missed date be a deal breaker? 

Pepe – who can hardly believe it

If you don’t have THE SYSTEM then you should have it.  It is available in every format you could want…it’s all the same material – you have the choice of a book, electronic book or audio book:

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Hi Pepe,

First of all, you don’t do study dates. You do DATE dates. You don’t go to a babe’s house to sit at a table across from her and do your homework. Dude, you are out to sell this girl. That means dinner!

When Ivana didn’t respond to your first text message, you should have waited an hour and sent her another. And after another hour, you should have sent her a third one – until she got the message and let you know what was what. In other words, you screwed up. And what you should have done afterwards was not asked her if she wanted to reschedule your date, but TOLD her that you were going to have a date and then SET it.

When you surprised Ivana with a flower at work after not hearing from her, it was called BEGGING. Pepe, you only give flowers to your GIRLFRIEND, not as a peace offering to someone you messed up with.


My friend, Ivana might have sworn that she wasn’t upset with you, but she is. And if she values furnishing her house over falling in love with you, you have a real problem.

Why did you ask Ivana out for the very next day? This is a tight window – too tight. It would have been all right if you’d asked her out for the following Saturday, but here you’re setting yourself up for a defeat yet again. To you Psych majors, you don’t ask a girl out for the very next day. You’re screwing up all over the board here, Pepe. But the greater problem you’re creating with your incompetence is that when things go wrong, you don’t know if Ivana has low Interest Level in you, or she has high interest and you’re just turning her off with all of your stupid antics.

When you agreed to let Ivana get the baseball tickets from family members, you were again opening yourself up to defeat. YOU should have gotten the tickets. You gave up control by allowing her to get the tickets – which she never did.

And then you never heard from her. So either you don’t know how to text, pal, or this girl is a pathological liar. You mean to tell me that she didn’t see your messages on two different occasions? Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “This is more than just a coincidence, my son.”

When Ivana said nothing the very next day about the broken baseball game date, it proved you were OUT. Pepe, she didn’t even bring it up!

After you broke the study date, Ivana was turned off to you. She’s carrying a grudge. And it can’t be fixed with her. Face it, you’ve tried with her twice, Pepe. This girl is not helping you at all. But if she was REALLY interested in you, none of these miscommunications would mean a thing.

In the end, since you don’t have my book, you’re not into the fine details of dating and you don’t know how to communicate properly with females. That’s a recipe for certain defeat.

Remember, guys: only women are allowed to break dates.


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Three Dating Tips For Men Over 40 and 50

Portrait Of Young Woman Sitting On SofaIt seems like all the dating tips for men are geared to the younger dudes – what about dating tips for men over 40 or dating tips for men over 50?  The principles I’m about to give you are good for any age but your strategy has to be a bit different because your pool of available women without scars and baggage has decreased.
Let’s take for example when you were in your teens and 20’s – you likely knew a lot of single women that just wanted to have fun and it seemed like there was a lot of them around because if you’re like a typical guy there were.  Now that you’re dating in your 40’s and 50’s you are likely seeing the same faces at work, at the gym and during your favorite happy hour stops and the women you are seeing could be unavailable, bitter or have baggage – that’s not to say that every woman is like that but just like you have buddies that have joined the “he man woman haters club” due to a bad experience, there are women like that too.
The paragraph above basically says that your options shrink as you get older plus if you’re like most folks in today’s economy your time has shrunk too (but if you’re a successful guy who has retired in your 40’s or 50’s – bravo – you’ll have more time to implement the strategies below – and if you have limited time – well, the strategies are just for you).
As a guy dating over 40 or 50 you have to be very efficient in your search.  First of all if you’re not finding the right women for you right now then STOP doing what you’re doing.  Running into the same faces over and over again?  Then it’s time to change up your routine.
Dating Tips For Men Over 40 and 50Tip # 1:   Get online ASAP
At this point in the article you could call it “online dating tips for men” because I’m going to tell you to go online for maximum efficiency.  If you’re a guy over 40 or 50 you can remember a time when the personal ads were in a newspaper (younger guys reading this can’t fathom what a personal ad is and they’re rapidly having trouble with what a newspaper is).  Do you recall how you felt about guys you heard were using personal ads?  Yeah, I bet it wasn’t flattering.  TAKE ALL THAT OUT OF YOUR HEAD because online dating is not the personal ads moved online – it’s a way for you to efficiently get through hundreds (depending on your city) eligible women in an afternoon.
One out of five relationships start online and the number is only growing.  You have Match.com, eHarmony, Date.com, Zoosk, an app for your smartphone called Tinder and so much more.  My #1 recommendation of a dating tip for men over 40 and 50 is to get online.
Call my dating women radio show  if you want advice from me on this – I take calls every Wednesday from 5:00 p.m. – 6:00 p.m. PT / 8:00 p.m. – 9:00 p.m. ET
Tip #2:  Speed dating
The other thing I suggest is speed dating – if you’re not sure what speed dating is just plug that into your favorite search engine.  You get anywhere from 3-8 minutes with a lady in your age range before you move onto the next one – if you both like each other then the organizer of the event (usually held in a nice bar/restaurant) will give each of you the contact information of the other and then it’s on you.
Dating Tips For Men Over 40 and 50Tip #3: Think like a great salesperson 
You see where I’m going with all of this?  Why do you think I suggest online dating and speed dating as my 2 best ways to meet women efficiently?  Because my dating tips for men are always sales-based.  You want as many QUALITY LEADS as you can get – like if you were selling cars.  You wouldn’t want to get in front of a bunch of people that have just signed an auto lease or those that had terrible credit, right?  You want to be in front of as many people as you can that have the means to buy now and are ready to buy now.
When you do online dating and speed dating at least you know the women there are “ready to buy” – like you they’re online or at the speed dating event because they’re looking for a relationship (or at least some of them are).
Of course all the leads in the world won’t matter if you blow them – finding where to meet women open to a relationship is one thing but making sure you go out with them and then figuring out which ones are right for you is another.
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Call in WEEKLY to the Dating Women Radio Show - get the numbers and information from here.

Your  free weekly excerpt from the Dating Women Radio Show is below – this week we have Doc’s take on abusive men

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From time to time I like to publish a good “you changed my life” letter and we will cover this on tonight’s (1/16/14) www.datingwomenradioshow.com so tune in at 4:00 p.m. PT/7:00 p.m. ET

In his own words….

Hi Doc, 

I started reading your articles back in 2006, but I was young and stupid and did not buy your book until 2011.  After years of failed relationships, heartbreak, wasted time, money, and emotion, I put my ego aside and realized that I needed real help. 

Your book and radio shows changed my life. 

I’m a fairly good looking guy.  I’m confident, have a good job, am a gentleman, and a have a golden retriever.  But I went through life dating whoever I found attractive and happened to like me back without much thought to anything else.  You showed me how I could raise my standards and what qualities I needed to find to make a lasting happy relationship.  

I had confidence down, but you taught me the importance of (self) CONTROL and CHALLENGE

Thanks to The System, I found the love of my life.  We met at the young adult group at my church.  Prior to learning your System, instead of asking for her number, I would have hung out around her for a few months hoping to get a hint whether or not she liked me first before maybe asking her to “hang out.”  Instead, I confidently asked for her number, waited 7 days, asked her out, and won her over with charm and confidence in person on the date.  

Also, before learning The System, I would have texted her in between dates.  My (now) wife says that it drove her nuts in between dates that I didn’t text her, but at the same time, she loved it.  She says not texting told her that I was secure in my self and that I had a life of my own.  Also, it added MYSTERY.  Let me be clear, I am NOT a naturally mysterious man.  But this simple bit of self-control made me seem like a mysterious man, which upped her Interest Level

Also, she was ready to say the “L” word after about 4 months of dating, but I didn’t give in.  I saved it for the day I proposed.  She says that because I waited to say it at such an important time and made her wait, that made her respect me even more. 

Additionally, I never pushed the physical boundaries of the relationship.  We discussed our boundaries early and established that sex is for marriage.  The fact that I didn’t just say it and had the self-CONTROL to do it, made her respect and love me even more. 

Also, she thinks my corny jokes are hilarious. (They aren’t that funny, but she thinks they are.)  Humor, as you say, is absolutely the GLUE of our relationship. 

On top of all of this, she is a flexible giver.  Every morning she wakes up and makes my morning cappuccino and breakfast while I get dressed for work even though she doesn’t have to get up for another 2 hours.  She lets me lead and actively wants to learn more about the things I am interested in, even if it’s something she never had previous interest in, like football and baseball. 

Not to mention, she is absolutely drop dead gorgeous.  If we have daughters, I am going to have to keep an eye on them and train them to only date “System” guys. 

Coming from a family with a strong history of divorce, I am confident in saying that I will be the one who breaks the chain.  I am confident in this because of two things:  my faith and the “System.” 

I may have been able to find her, but I never would have been able to KEEP her without you, Jeff, and the “System.” 

Once again, THANK YOU. 


Austin, TX


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