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I have a slightly tricky situation that has me stumped, so I’m going straight to the source for coaching. I get invited out once a month by Riley, a good female friend of 10 years who used to have a crush on me in high school. We have a great time as friends.
However, in the last few months her younger sister, Amy, has been tagging along or showing up to wherever we are, which is fine with me. I’ve known Amy for almost
as long as I’ve known her sister, although I wouldn’t say that Amy and I are close friends.
Amy is what you would call a dangerous creature. She is pretty, though not a knockout, and is 20 years young. I am careful to always remain a Challenge around her and keep her laughing so I know that she is comfortable around me.
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Over the last few outings, Amy has been giving me signals that have made it difficult for me to assess her Interest Level. She has been touching me much more frequently and standing “too close.”
A couple of months ago on an outing she touched me over a dozen times. However, she did make an impromptu comment about liking Asian men, which I am not, though I do often get mistaken for being part Asian. Rather than get upset about not being her type, I told her that I’d set her up and pointed to an Asian man who was at least in his seventies (as a joke). Amy then hugged me and said that she loves me — in public and in front of her sister. I didn’t respond other than to say that she has great taste in guys. But she later made a comment that it would be “weird” for the two of us to ride together alone in the car. I didn’t get it.
On our last outing, Amy continued to touch me in the same manner. I refrained from touching her, of course. I also politely declined her and Riley’s invitation for dinner afterwards since I already had plans. But when we were taking a picture together, she slapped my arm away when I wrapped it around her.
Doc, I can’t decipher whether Amy’s actions are just that of a young girl who wants attention even though her Interest Level in me is low. Or maybe she has a moderate interest but is hot and cold because she isn’t fully grown up yet? What would you say that her Interest Level is? I am also making sure to keep my own interest low and hustle other women. I would like to hear your thoughts on this situation.
Wes – who’s scratching his head
I really want to congratulate you on having the ability to set your ego aside and follow the rules in my book. Most men won’t or can’t. And as I’ve mentioned to you guys before, “The System” IS A FUN TRIP, and it’s great that you realize that and are having a good time with the process. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “It’s not like you’re being tortured with calculus or advanced chemistry.”
Whatever you do, don’t, under any circumstance, touch Amy back when she touches you. That said, it’s absolutely phenomenal that you employed a sense of humor when dealing with Amy. Most men would not be able to use humor with a woman when she said she dug a different type of guy. But after you got trained by “The System,” you were able to turn a potentially sticky situation into a purely humorous one. To you Psych majors, HUMOR IS THE KEY TO WOMEN.
When Amy told you that it would be weird to ride with you in a car alone, she was just playing with your head. She’s flirting with you, Wes, but she’s only 20 years old, and you know what my book says about girls of a certain young age. She’s just too young for you, my friend.
Then Amy slapped your arm away when you wrapped it around her for the photo. I told you not to touch her, didn’t I? You swore that you don’t touch her, and now you’re telling me that you wrapped your arms around her. You don’t know what touching is, dude. There’s a section on it in my book. You need to go back and revisit that one. You shouldn’t have put your arm around Amy. You should have told her to put her arm around you instead.
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What’s going on here is this: Amy is young and she’s just flirting with you and that’s all there is to it. So what you’re going to do is play with her, like she’s playing with you, until she’s 23 or 24 years old and more mature. But you’re not going to entertain any illusions that you and Amy are going to actually get together down the road. And, like my cousin General Love says, “You’re going to keep her at arm’s length.” Moreover, we don’t know if Amy’s older sister is going to like you moving in on her. Even though Riley no longer digs you romantically, she knows that she has a 20-year-old sister and no doubt realizes that she’s a ding-dong.
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I would say that Amy’s Interest Level is 60%. The problem is that she has to have 95% Interest Level and she has to maintain it for at least six months, AND she has to be at least 23 or 24 years old in order for it to amount to anything. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “You’re dealing with a child in a woman’s body.”
Of course you have to hustle other women. Amy has to get to at least 23 years old before you ever think of asking her out. If you’re still going on outings with her when she’s 23 or more, then things could be different.
Remember, guys: to take any woman seriously in love, she has to be grown up.
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