Dating Women Advice: Did Kayne Feel Forced To Marry Kim?

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WHAT'S THE 411 ON THIS ARTICLE?

So, now she's pregnant - what should my student do?

Read on...

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READER'S QUESTION

Hey Doc,

First of all, thanks for what you have been doing for us men. I have been a follower of your methods for some time now, I have “The System” and I know it works.

Right now I need some coaching about a major life event that will have many ramifications down the road. I just moved to Oregon from North Carolina to start a new job. And I simultaneously found out that Courtney, who I’d been casually dating in North Carolina, is pregnant.

Courtney and I had only been seeing each other for three months, but we did get along really well and I thought we could make it in a long-term relationship. I had used Confidence, Control and Challenge and things worked well. Unfortunately, my job search took me to Oregon. When I found out that I was going to move from North Carolina I told Courtney we should just be friends. She wanted to continue being romantic at a distance, but I told her I don’t do long distance. When I left North Carolina I dated two other girls but didn’t really connect with them like I had with Courtney.

Then I found out the news about Courtney’s pregnancy, and my head has been spinning ever since. Courtney wants to keep the child no matter what. My stress levels are through the roof, especially since I just started a new job. But I want to do the right thing. I don’t run away from things like this and I want to make it work with Courtney because I don’t want another man raising my child, and I do think we could make a future together. (She is a Flexible Giver and laughs at my corny jokes.) She has said that she has feelings for me and wants to pursue living near or with me when she graduates from school at the end of the year and have the child out here in Oregon.

Doc, should we get married? Should we wait? I’m not really sure what to do but I have mentioned to Courtney that I’ll support her, whatever happens.

I have always been spiritual and have been praying for guidance and relaxation. Thank you in advance for taking the time to digest this.

Dustin - who won’t get to enjoy his new life

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DOC'S ANSWER

Hi Dustin,

First of all, I want to thank you very much and commend you for having the ability and courage to SET YOUR EGO ASIDE and absorb my principles, which most men don’t.

That said, The System” says that the later you have sex, the better. My friend, you didn’t abide by that rule, and that’s why you are in the fix you’re in right now. So while you might think you’re following my coaching, you didn’t actually listen 100% to what I told you to do.

It’s completely understandable that your head is spinning. Like my cousin General Love says, “You’re under the gun, soldier.” You’re starting a new job, you’ve got a girlfriend of only three months and you already have a child on the way. What you’re going to have to do is marry Courtney and move her out to Oregon. Just remember that lots of guys go through this, Dustin. You’re not the only dude who’s ever been faced with such heavy dilemmas. But you should be happy you have a job, and be happy that you have a girl.

It’s too bad that you only have three months in with Courtney. To you Psych majors, you should have at least a couple of years in with the girl before starting a family. Your future with Courtney would be much safer if you had more time in with her and you knew her far better. I don’t want the two of you to live together for an hour or two before getting divorced. And that’s the problem here – you two barely know each other. Ninety days is not very long to know anyone, let alone a girl you’re dating.

Nevertheless, you have to tell Courtney that you are going down to Kay Jewelers to get her a couple of rings. In this case, you’re going to do what she wants, my friend.

Yes, you should definitely get married. First, because you have a big responsibility here and we don’t want to have any kids out of wedlock even though in this case, like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “The kid will be on time but the wedding is going to be late.” And no, don’t wait. Get married now -- the sooner the better. You want Courtney to relax. You don’t want her being a nervous wreck wondering if you’re going to bolt on her, especially since you’re living 3,000 miles away and she doesn’t know what you’re doing.

“Supporting” Courtney is not good enough in this situation, guy. Tell her you’re going to buy her some jewelry and that you’re going to marry her.

Dustin, you got yourself into this mess, so you’re not going to get any relaxation anytime soon. But you have a new job, and Courtney appears to be a good girl (though I don’t like the fact that you’ve known her for only three months). You have to do the right thing, which means marrying her.

Despite the tensions, you will enjoy your new life because you are going to welcome a baby. This is going to be a major change for you, but as you said, you’re a spiritual guy and you can handle it. And like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, “It isn’t going to mean the end of the world.”

Remember, guys: the longer you wait to have sex, the better.

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Dating Single Women – Social Media Danger & Opportunity

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WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW

I love the internet. I'm not going to bother giving you all my channels because you know them and also, all you have to do is Google me and you'll know Doc Love is ALL OVER THE PLACE ONLINE - but like anything there are positives and negatives - let's talk about social media and highlight a big pitfall and a big plus below.

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Pitfall of Social Media - Danger Ahead

Your whole life is on display whether you know it or not - whatever you decide to write about or post becomes a LIFELONG digital shadow that will always follow you around and once the future Ms. Right stumbles upon it, what will it say about you on its own? Remember, your random posts, photos, tweets, etc. have to explain themselves without the benefit of you adding any color to them because she'll likely Google you after date 2 and spend some time in her jammies getting to know you online.

Okay, maybe you're SQUEAKY CLEAN and your grandma's bingo posts are way more daring than anything you have concocted on your timeline - but still, it's INFORMATION on YOU and INFORMATION IS POWER.

She can get a bead on who you are, who your friends are, what you like to do, your quirks, etc - a whole plethora of information is out there about you, again, without you being able to be in front of her to add a backstory to it.

Maybe that beautiful blonde that tagged you with the picture of you hugging is your cousin but she looks at it and says: "Ugh, player."

You're giving her a window into your life when she's still a stranger and doesn't know you very well - and I much prefer she get to know me in person instead of scrolling through 1,000 online things I've posted.

I always tell you guys IT'S ALWAYS BETTER WHEN YOU CAN BE WITH HER IN THE REAL WORLD to get to know her.

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Plus of Social Media - Too Many Selfies

I'm going to reverse myself a bit - and of course I don't want you to be too judgmental on stuff she has posted - because again, you should get to know her in the real world - but I will tell you that if you have a woman that has a ton of selfies and photos of herself then YOU SHOULD RUN (also, if she seems unbalanced in her posts then RUN as well - but that's something you already knew!)

The mentality of a girl that posts that volume of HERSELF online is all about ME, ME, ME, ME and I don't see how you are going to get past that to have a 50/50 relationship with her someday.

Also, do you want to be the star of her photo show someday? Talk about being out there! Someday when you two break up there will be 1,000 photos of you and her online for new women to check out - not good.

I prefer if the girl I'm going to take seriously is a little more reserved and private because that's how she'll treat our relationship. I don't need to be the star of her Instagram feed, that's for sure!

Doc Love's Final Word

Social media is a phenomenon not going away but that doesn't mean you have to be controlled by it. There are many business reasons to use it (LinkedIn comes to mind off the top of my head) but no one says you have to put your whole life out there for display to the world - especially to the future Ms. Right.

Remember guys, social media is just a tool for staying connected to information, entertainment and your friends - nothing more, nothing less - be careful with it.

JOIN THE DISCUSSION BELOW and tell me what you think or ask anything you'd like - thanks for reading!

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Dating Women Advice: Do Babes Like Going To Amusement Parks With Hugh Grant?

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WHAT'S THE 411 ON THIS ARTICLE?

She changed the date on him just before they went out but still showed up.  

Does it mean anything?

YOU BET IT DOES - read on...

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READER'S QUESTION

Hey Doc,

I’m 22 and discovered your columns and book two years ago. I have to tell you that there is a lot of slaughter going on out there. In my country – Turkey -- women are much more powerful than men, and there are lots of wimps who don’t have a clue about women.

Anyway, I met Sidika, 23, at my office. I got her phone number two weeks after we started working together, but I didn’t call her. Sidika and I had to work together for a month – just the two of us. Our work hours were long: 10 hours on average per day. So we saw each other and talked a lot. Being a Challenge was hard for me, but when I talked about myself, I always kept it short, funny and positive. I know a lot more about Sidika than she knows about me. She even talked about some of her past relationships. The guys she talked about always acted badly, and in her mind she was the victim.

Then I quit my job. One week later, I called Sidika and asked her for a Starbucks date. She said okay without hesitation. One day before meeting, she called to confirm. The date was fun, I made her laugh a lot and also asked questions about her life. At the end of the date, she said she liked it and we should meet often. I did not answer.

After eight days I called her to set up an amusement park date. She agreed without hesitation again. But four hours before the date, Sidika texted me that she was very tired and wanted to eat instead. I accepted because she offered me an alternative.

During the date, I questioned Sidika about the reason for the sudden change from the amusement park date to a dinner date and I learned that she did not like the amusement park, which was a lie, by the way. The date was okay, but I did not detect any enthusiasm in her. We talked about the same stuff we talked about on the previous date. There was no touching on either date and I did not kiss her at the end of the second date. I smell something bad.

Doc, my gut is telling me that this has no future. I want to get your thoughts on this subject.

Monty - who is at a crossroads

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DOC'S ANSWER

Hi Monty,

There might indeed be a lot of slaughter of men going in the world, but you shouldn’t worry because you have the best tool of all in your hands: “The System.” My book cuts across all cultural boundaries, which means that its techniques and rules are effective whether you live in Montana or Mongolia. It works WORLDWIDE.

It’s really good that you kept it all short, funny and positive when you were talking about yourself to Sidika. Most guys start bragging when the subject is themselves, but it’s a complete turnoff to a clinically sane woman. Good move, Monty.

But you shouldn’t have asked Sidika on a Starbucks date. Starbucks dates are for people who you’ve talked to for only three to five minutes – in other words, people you’ve just met and don’t know. But you worked with Sidika. You already got to know a little something about her. And like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “If you do a Starbucks date now, you come off as cheap.” You should have taken Sidika to dinner instead because you’ve already completed the preliminaries with this girl.

When she said that you two should meet often after the first date, you should have said “What a great idea! I never would have thought of that myself,” then given her a wink and a smile. In other words, top it off with humor.

Now let me get this straight. Four hours before your amusement park date Sidika decides that she’s tired and wants to eat instead? Think about this, buddy. Forget Interest Level -- this is a simple matter of manners here. Sidika has none. You put yourself out, you were going to pay for the date, and Sidika pulls the rug right out from under you. Dude, she’s not tired. And this has nothing do with eating. It’s nothing but a broken date, that’s all. Sidika simply handed you some phony excuse for no good reason. Women do this all the time, by the way. An hour to four hours before a date they come up with some lame excuse why they can’t do something you’ve already agreed upon. The ball is down to the two-yard line when they decide to dig up a weak reason why they can’t follow through. But Sidika did offer you an alternative, so you had no choice but to take it.

How do you know it was a lie that Sidika doesn’t like amusement parks? You don’t give me any evidence for that opinion. That aside however, what girl DOESN’T like an amusement park? Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “Everybody on earth likes an amusement park!”

Of course you didn’t detect any enthusiasm from Sidika because there was none. You didn’t talk about anything fresh over dinner because you had nothing new to say and she wasn’t helping you. Don’t forget, guys: when a girl likes you, she actually HELPS you! So you know what that dead conversation means, Monty.

You should have kissed Sidika anyway at the end of the second date. You always kiss the girl at the end of the second date. If you had, you would have at least gotten a very clear idea of where you stood. The problem here is that Sidika went out with you only because she worked with you. She didn’t really want to spend time with you on a second date so she handed you a phony excuse about not liking amusement parks.

If she had no Interest Level in you, Sidika shouldn’t have offered you an alternative. But what really happened here was that after the first date you were out, that’s what you have to realize. This is no surprise to me. To you Psych majors, until you get 10 or 12 dates in with a girl, you can’t believe anything she says or does. That’s what happened with Sidika. Because she went to dinner with you doesn’t mean she digs you romantically.

Remember, guys: you don’t want to be with a babe who doesn’t like amusement parks.

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3 Tips You MUST HAVE To Have Fun Dating Women

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WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW

You're out in the dating scene and it's like being on one of those reality shows where you're trying not to get voted off - but in this case it's your date deciding whether or not you get to move on with her - cue the commercial break and we'll find out what happens next!

If you follow the 3 tips below you increase your chances exponentially that you will have fun and be that guy that keeps progressing along to the boyfriend zone.

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TIP 1 - Be Selective

It's an overlooked thing that most guys miss when they're just "winging it" with women - but you have to start with a lady that is really interested.

Hey, I'm all about trying my luck and going out on dates to practice but if you really want to ensure that your dates are relaxing and fun then don't ask women out that aren't all about going out with you.

You've had those types of women before - the ones where you can literally "feel the heat" of her interest as she made it SO EASY to get her # and get a date with her as opposed to the girl that seemed to be half-enthused when you asked and ultimately called for a date.

It's all degrees of love - I call it INTEREST LEVEL in my dating relationship education course called THE SYSTEM - a woman that has 85% INTEREST LEVEL is going to be easier to get into the 90's (the boyfriend zone) because she starts out thinking you're the dude - as opposed the woman with 55% who figures "well, he seems nice enough, let's see what happens" and then you get knocked out of the box on date 3 because she finds a guy that pops her in the 87% range.

Isn't it more fun when she starts out way into you?

THOUSANDS OF MEN CHANGED THEIR LIVES WITH THE SYSTEM

Are you next?


Tip 2 - YOU Be Fun

Do not get caught up in whether you're scoring points or not.

I know you like her but if she feels that you're pressuring her in any fashion then you will be OUT.

I get that you want her to be your girlfriend at some point but you can't rush anything so you might as well just chill and laugh as much as you can because ultimately she will either like you or she won't - but you can certainly move towards the "won't" category by being uptight about whether or not things are progressing in your favor with her.

Women respond to MYSTERY and CHALLENGE so do not be that guy that she thinks she has all figured out on date 3 - be that guy that is having fun, showing her a good time and having her think at the end of the date: "Wow, I'd like to see him again - I wonder if he will call."

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Tip 3 - Remember It's Sales

"Oh, I don't/won't/can't sell Doc - what are you talking about - I thought this was a dating column???!!!"

Gotta call you out on that one guy - just because you don't have "account manager" or "marketing consultant" or any other # of titles related to sales in your day job description DOES NOT mean you don't sell - you sell every day - because you're a human being.

Whether you know it or not you "sold" your current boss on hiring you at some point - and you "sold" your mom on the idea that it was okay to go to that great party campus 150 miles from home.

We are always trying to convince someone of something that works in our favor - even if it's just selling your best bud on the idea that there are more women at the sports bar down the street than he thinks there are.

Dating is no different my friend, you have to "sell her" on the idea that you are the boyfriend for her - that is if she's worth it.

All great salespeople do 3 things:

1. They don't take rejection personally - because there is a lot of it!

2. They keep records of what they did right and wrong and continually learn from their mistakes and make modifications based on the knowledge they accumulate.

3. They never give up and approach every new sale as a new beginning instead of being embittered by the sales they didn't make.

You have to adopt this mindset and not get all wrapped up in this girl - which I know is difficult if you really like her but if great salespeople can do it, so can you.

Remember that at the end of the day you don't need her as much as the salesperson needs to eat - because if they don't make the sale they don't get paid - you just get your ego bruised a little bit!

Also, the more prospects (women) you have in the hopper, the better - it makes you less anxious to "get the deal done" with any one girl.

You can lay back, relax, have fun and not worry about what Leah does or does not do on Thursday night because you have a date with the beautiful Brooke on Saturday night.

The less anxious you are about any one date the better!


Doc Love's Final Word

Remember guys, if you follow the 3 tips above you will have much more fun with the ladies in your life - and that's what it's all about!

JOIN THE DISCUSSION BELOW and tell me what you think or ask anything you'd like - thanks for reading!

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Dating Women Advice: Would A Babe Ever Turn Her Cheek To Bradley Cooper?

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WHAT'S THE 411 ON THIS ARTICLE?

He went for the kiss - got the cheek but that wasn't his only issue with this STRUCTURED girl.

Keep on reading...

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READER'S QUESTION

Hey Doc,

A little war story. I need your verification and coaching.

I’m 32 and I took a 22-year-old out (Red Flag). I am attracted to Riley’s beauty and youth. After a couple back and forth on the dating website, we had a good Starbucks date and I got her number at the end. I called her a week later and set up a date. She sounded happy to hear from me and gave me her address to pick her up. So far, so good.

On the dinner date, Riley talked about her exes and I gently tried to change the subject on multiple occasions. I kept thinking, “I don’t want to hear about all the dudes this girl has been through.” But she kept bringing it up, so I went along with it and figured I could at least learn why she got rid of them and verify “The System,” which it did.

After she spilled her guts, Riley expected me to do the same. I’m thinking, “I have to get off these negative subjects.” So I gave her a couple of jokes: “You’re my first date,” and “The girls I dated in the past weren’t as good as you...so far,” etc. Anyway, Riley kept after me, so I gave her a little more, but not much. Then she switched to “What do I want in a future relationship?” And I answered “A Flexible Giver.”

At one point, Riley asked how many times a boyfriend and girlfriend should hang out per week. I said two to three. Well, she ended the date right then and there. She said she wouldn’t bother dating a guy unless they hung out five times per week. Needy? Insecure? I couldn’t figure it out.

We got up and left and I knew I was most likely dead in the water due to a combination of not being able to get off the heavy subjects, her attitude, not understanding romantic love, and being in a rush to figure me out.

On the drive back to her place (she lives with her mom), she acted a little more playful so I thought maybe I wasn’t dead, so I went in for the kiss at the doorstep. She pulled her head to the side and I ended up kissing her cheek. Then she hugged me hard and pressed her cheek into my lips a bit, but it still felt like a rejection.

I thanked Riley for the fun time and walked back to my truck. As I was walking she called, “Don’t take yourself so seriously.”

Questions: what did she mean by that last comment? And should I call this girl again in five to nine days? I’ve been on a roll with like 20 different dates in the last couple of months and all have gone well, but this young hottie has me a bit confused.

Tiny - who is ready to move on if you give me the word

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DOC'S ANSWER

Hi Tiny,

Taking a 22-year-old out IS your first Red Flag! You at the age of 32 should be with someone 26 years old or older. Riley simply isn’t grown up yet. All men love youth and beauty -- what men don’t?

But it’s really great that you tried to steer the talk away from negatives and past romances. For some reason, lots of women think that when they go out on a first date they’re supposed to talk about all their exes, as if being open about all the losers they were with will somehow endear them to the new guy, when the last thing in the world he wants to hear about is her former boyfriend.

What Riley gave you was what I call the HARD INTERVIEW. To you Psych majors, young girls, 18 to 20, and women 30 to 34, subject you to it because they are in a rush to have babies.

When Riley asked you how many times a boyfriend and girlfriend should see each other per week, you should just have said “Whatever the girl wants.” In other words, you should have just gone along with her. But you learned that what you have here is a structured, hard-headed, Beautiful, spoiled 22-year-old. And every young guy that she goes out with will be happy to answer all of her tough questions. But you, being a student of “The System,” know that it doesn’t help the relationship.

Riley isn’t needy or insecure. The point of dating is getting to know someone, and then figuring out down the road if you want see the other person five times a week. Riley wants to get all of this done right away. What she’s trying to do is pin you down straight out of the chute. She might as well have mailed you a 10-question form and said “You better answer these questions right!” And then you could have skipped the first date and gone straight to the second if she liked what you marked on the form.

That said, I have to tell you that you really have “The System” down and you read the situation for what it was. Very impressive, Tiny. But again, a 32-year-old doesn’t go out with a 22-year-old. For as good and smart as you are, though, you blew it by going in for the kiss. You don’t kiss on the first date. You kiss on the second date. I can hardly believe you did this because everything else you did was just perfect, pal. You’re a sharp guy!

When Riley gave you her cheek, it was a rejection. Because you didn’t answer her little questionnaire, therefore it was time for you to be in pain. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “Isn’t romance lovely?”

When Riley told you not to take yourself so seriously, she was putting you down for something that SHE did! She’s the one who takes herself way too seriously. She’s the one conducting the hard interview. Typical female – when she does something wrong, she ends up reversing it on you! You should have told HER to not take herself so seriously! Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “The shoe should have been on the other foot!” That was a negative and a putdown, Tiny. Riley had to get a shot in on you because you didn’t beg her for five dates a week.

It’s a waste of time to call her again. She’s a spoiled princess. And because she’s young and Beautiful, guys will just fall at her feet. You’re not confused, dude. Your Interest Level is too high – that’s your problem.

Remember, guys: any girl who subjects you to a hard interview is out.

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The Dating Women Radio Show is ON THE AIR EVERY WEDNESDAY at 5:00 p.m. PT/ 8:00 p.m. ET - listen LIVE and call me for advice!!! (PS, we had a technical glitch with the 8/19/15 show and weren't able to air - but that is a rare occurrence!)


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DATING WOMEN ADVICE: You Changed My Life

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HOW DID THE SYSTEM CHANGE HIS LIFE?  IN HIS OWN WORDS...

Hi Doc, I started reading your articles back in 2006, but I was young and stupid and did not buy your book until 2011.

After years of failed relationships, heartbreak, wasted time, money, and emotion, I put my ego aside and realized that I needed real help. Your book and radio shows changed my life.

I'm a fairly good looking guy. I'm confident, have a good job, am a gentleman, and a have a golden retriever. But I went through life dating whoever I found attractive and happened to like me back without much thought to anything else.

You showed me how I could raise my standards and what qualities I needed to find to make a lasting happy relationship. I had confidence down, but you taught me the importance of (self) CONTROL and CHALLENGE.

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WHAT DID SHE RESPOND TO?

Thanks to The System, I found the love of my life.

We met at the young adult group at my church. Prior to learning your System, instead of asking for her number, I would have hung out around her for a few months hoping to get a hint whether or not she liked me first before maybe asking her to "hang out."

Instead, I confidently asked for her number, waited 7 days, asked her out, and won her over with charm and confidence in person on the date.

Also, before learning The System, I would have texted her in between dates. My (now) wife says that it drove her nuts in between dates that I didn't text her, but at the same time, she loved it. She says not texting told her that I was secure in my self and that I had a life of my own.

Also, it added MYSTERY. Let me be clear, I am NOT a naturally mysterious man.

But this simple bit of self-control made me seem like a mysterious man, which upped her Interest Level.

Also, she was ready to say the "L" word after about 4 months of dating, but I didn't give in. I saved it for the day I proposed. She says that because I waited to say it at such an important time and made her wait, that made her respect me even more.

Additionally, I never pushed the physical boundaries of the relationship. We discussed our boundaries early and established that sex is for marriage. The fact that I didn't just say it and had the self-CONTROL to do it, made her respect and love me even more.

Also, she thinks my corny jokes are hilarious. (They aren't that funny, but she thinks they are.) Humor, as you say, is absolutely the GLUE of our relationship. On top of all of this, she is a flexible giver.

Every morning she wakes up and makes my morning cappuccino and breakfast while I get dressed for work even though she doesn't have to get up for another 2 hours. She lets me lead and actively wants to learn more about the things I am interested in, even if it's something she never had previous interest in, like football and baseball.

Not to mention, she is absolutely drop dead gorgeous. If we have daughters, I am going to have to keep an eye on them and train them to only date "System" guys.

THOUSANDS OF MEN CHANGED THEIR LIVES WITH THE SYSTEM

Are you next?


SO, WHAT'S NEXT?

Coming from a family with a strong history of divorce, I am confident in saying that I will be the one who breaks the chain. I am confident in this because of two things: my faith and the "System."

I may have been able to find her, but I never would have been able to KEEP her without you, Jeff, and the "System."

Once again, THANK YOU.

Spartan, Blake Austin, TX

Doc Love's Final Word

Do you want to write a "You Changed My Life" letter like this?

It all starts with getting THE SYSTEM.

JOIN THE DISCUSSION BELOW and tell me what you think or ask anything you'd like - thanks for reading!

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Dating Women Advice: Does Behati Prinsloo Like The Restaurants Adam Levine Picks?

dating women

WHAT'S THE 411 ON THIS ARTICLE?

He's having a lot of trouble getting her out on date 1 - does he need patience or does he need to give up?

Keep on reading...

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READER'S QUESTION

Hey Doc,

I need some confirmation that I’m thinking about this situation in a “System” manner.

I am a Salsa dancer in Ohio. I go out to a lot of dance events each month, so I have a chance to meet lots of women. One woman in particular, Leila, has been giving me subtle buying signals for a year. I was involved with someone else up until a couple of months ago, so I couldn’t ask for Leila’s phone number until we broke up. I went to a dance event last weekend, saw Leila, and asked her for her phone number. She gave it to me without hesitation and said that she was glad that I asked.

I waited five days and called to ask her out for this coming Tuesday. The phone rang twice and went to voicemail. I left a voice message in which I said I’d like to take you out, so please give me a call. My number is…. Then I repeated the number slowly and hung up. While I was leaving the message I received a text back that read “Sorry, I can’t talk now.” I’m guessing this was an automatic text response Leila set up for any incoming phone calls. A few hours later she sent me a text message that said that she had been involved in a local city meeting when I called, then she went to dance practice, and due to the time of night she was sending a text instead of calling. I figured it was no big deal.

Leila called back the next day. She asked if I had received the text she sent, and I thanked her for letting me know what was going on. I then asked her out to dinner for five days later. She checked her schedule, said that she had a scheduling conflict, but immediately counteroffered with two other days. But she said one of the days was contingent on whether her stepdaughter would visit, and that on the other day she could only be up until 9 PM. I said “Just let me know when your stepdaughter lets you know if she’s coming and get back to me when you know.” She said she would. End of conversation.

Leila texted this morning that she still wasn’t sure if her stepdaughter was coming, but that she would be amenable to getting together around 6 PM. The condition attached was that she wanted to stay close to her home in case her stepdaughter showed up. She then added that we could take a walk or go to another restaurant, because she didn’t like the eatery I picked for dinner.

I haven’t responded yet. I know you’re big on getting in front of the girl for the first date to try and sell her, but it seems to me that Leila is probably either (1) structured and/or (2) she has low Interest Level. So Doc, how do I respond? It seems like it might be a major waste of time if I go along with her.

Oren - who doesn’t want to waste his time

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DOC'S ANSWER

Hi Oren,

When Leila said she could meet you until 9 PM, that was the definite date and the one you should have grabbed. What you did instead was take the “definite maybe” date involving whether or not Leila’s stepdaughter was going to be in the picture. Why would you do that? It was a huge blunder, pal. You had a sure thing and you had a definite maybe. You jumped on the wrong one.

Oren, there’s an entire chapter in the Dating Dictionary that says YOU DON’T MAKE CALL-BACKS TO VERIFY DATES. And you did that, which means you are not operating by the rules of “The System” at all!

Then Leila had all kinds of conditions attached to getting together with you. All this woman is giving you is possibilities for definite maybe dates. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “You can’t pin her down at all.” And it’s impossible to pin her down, with all of the conditions that she’s attached to seeing her.

Of course you have to get in front of the woman in order to sell her. But that’s exactly where you blew it. You had a definite short date versus a definite maybe date in which Leila was more concerned about her stepdaughter than she was with you. Like I said, you took the wrong one.

Leila is both structured AND she has low Interest Level. You’ve gone every which way with her as far as trying to get a date goes, but she always comes up with another reason why you have to call back later, or that she has to wait around for her stepdaughter, or that she doesn’t like the restaurant, etc. The point is that Leila is NOT HELPING YOU at all. Look at all the time and effort you’ve invested in just getting a first date out of this babe! So if you have to get her out on eight to 10 dates and make her your girlfriend, you are facing a brutal uphill battle, my friend. Leila is structured, she has low Interest Level, and she practically does everything but come right out and scream, “Don’t call me!” Like my cousin General Love says, “It sounds like you’re going to war instead of trying to date this girl.”

How do you respond now? Tell Leila that something came up in your schedule and that you’ll make it some other time. If I were you, I wouldn’t even try to go out with Leila anymore. You can’t get a definite date out of her. It’s too much trouble and work. To you Psych majors, if it takes all this effort to get the first date, can you imagine how difficult the other nine are going to be?

You’re worried that trying to date Leila seems like it’s going to be a major waste of time? Guy, it’s been a major waste of time already!

Remember, guys: when you have to fight to get the first date, you’ll never get to the tenth to make her your girlfriend.

dating women

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Her Husband Is A SYSTEM Guy And She Loves It!

DOES THE SYSTEM WORK?  

THE SYSTEM changes lives - but don't take my word for it - let's check out what "Cindy In Cincy" has to say.

"YOU CHANGED MY LIFE"

Dear Doc and Jeff, You can call this a, "You Changed my Life Letter from the Other Side," or you just can call it a love letter to the two of you, because that is what it is.

Five years ago, when Scott from Cincinnati (54 years young at the time) was finding out that he was getting divorced after 20 years, I found myself in a similar situation.

After 21 years of marriage, at least the last 10 of which I had spent trying to pry my husband off of the couch and away from the TV , I had had enough. One more minute as a roommate of my spouse and I'd have gone insane. I guess he had stopped paying attention and thought he could, "just be himself."

During a Thanksgiving trip to my sister's she talked me into joining e-Harmony and match.com. In the meantime, 8 months before we met, Scott had started reading "The Dating Dictionary." He started training. As he puts it , "I didn't know what I was training for, but I knew I was getting ready." I was turning 50 that year and set a goal to walk 1850 miles that year.

We were both getting ready.

In January 2010, I received an email from Scott through match.com, remarking that our profiles were similar and inviting me to read his. So, I took a look that changed my life. I saw photos of a well-groomed, confidently smiling man who was looking for a, "self-reliant, flexible giver who would laugh at my corny jokes."

You see, guys, this is where my love for you comes in.

Scott was looking for ME and you trained him to recognize me when he met me and to keep me once he found me. The System made Scott stand out from all of those other "matches." Is he Brad Pitt's identical twin? No, but to me he is beautiful inside and out. Is he as rich as Bill Gates? No, but we have everything we need to be happy just being together.

He didn't need to be amazingly handsome, rich or anything else. He just needed to be his best self, keep things light and funny, be confident and be a challenge. Those are the qualities that made me want to be with him.

He was and is a gentleman in every sense of the word. Sure, he definitely had some raw talent in that department, but you helped him realize how to put his best foot forward in all areas of his life.

He still reads and studies the books and is a Doc Love Club Member. We listen to your show together every week. Guys out there who are considering purchasing The System - I cannot emphasize this enough, it is the best $99 you will spend in your life.

It is an investment toward the best you that you can be. It is heartbreak, wallet drain and divorce insurance all rolled into one powerful package. Five years ago, neither of us thought we would ever find someone.

Now, Scott (59 next month) and I (55 in October) have been happily married for 2 years. I love being his wife and I love you guys for helping him toward his best self and for teaching him to recognize and appreciate his partner.

I am forever grateful.

As the wife of a Spartan I feel respected, cherished and loved, not controlled or manipulated.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Love, Your Fan for Life, Cindy in Cincy

THANK YOU TO "CINDY IN CINCY"

I appreciate your kind words - and guys, there really is no excuse for not having THE SYSTEM - but I understand that you still might want to see more - so take my 7-day free dating course and I'll show you why good women like "Cindy In Cincy" respond to what I teach.

Women will never look at you the same again when you internalize my materials!

Got any questions?  Ask me below - I'd love to discuss this (or anything else) with you!

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Dating Women Advice: Does Zayn Malik Ever Go On Double Dates?

dating single women

WHAT'S THE 411 ON THIS ARTICLE?

The double date was bad enough - but now he doesn't know where he stands with her.  

You always, always, always have to GET THINGS CLEAR with a woman - do not leave yourself open to guesswork like our poor reader this week.

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READER'S QUESTION

Hey Doc,

I’m in high school and recently went on a double date set up by one of my friends. The girl’s name is Robin. It seemed like she had a lot of fun and that she liked me, and my friend, who is a big chick magnet, agreed.

After I got Robin’s number and texted her she said we should hang out again, and she sounded very enthusiastic. Now it’s been a month since that double date, and we have both been very busy with summer vacations. The most recent text Robin sent me was “Hey, I’m pretty busy this week, it might be better to hang out next week!” This was after I asked her to look at her schedule and get back to me, which she did. That was a good sign. I asked her if the reason she couldn’t get together this week was because she was babysitting (she babysits a lot) and she said yes, and that she had a lot of family get-togethers to go to as well.

Then I asked her how far in advance she knows her babysitting schedule so that I could figure out when we could do something together. She did not respond after that, which was the first time she didn’t respond to one of my texts. My phone is very crappy however, and it doesn’t always send messages and now I’m wondering if she even got it. It’s been three days since we talked and I’m planning on texting Robin tomorrow to ask when we can hang out.

Doc, basically I’m worried that I have not been texting Robin correctly. I always got out of our conversations pretty fast. I did not ask a lot of boring questions so I could “get to know” Robin better, and I did a good job of showing her that I am busy and have a life outside of her. And I only texted her every few days. So if she is not responding now, could I be doing something wrong? What should I do when I text Robin tomorrow? My friend said Robin liked me and her best friend told me that I definitely needed to get her number when we were on that double date.

Dre - who doesn’t know how to handle it

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DOC'S ANSWER

Hi Dre,

What do you mean by “it seemed” like Robin had a lot of fun? Did she or didn’t she? Did she mention right away that she would like to do it again? Did she touch you on the arm when you were talking to her? Did she laugh at your jokes? You don’t say whether or not she gave you any buying signals, so it doesn’t mean anything that you guess she might have had a lot of fun. When Robin sounded enthusiastic when you texted her after the double date, YOU SHOULD HAVE ASKED HER OUT right then and there. It’s obvious that you don’t have “The System,” pal. If you did, you would have known what to do.

But you tell me that you and Robin are both busy with summer vacations. So let me get this straight: you had 30 straight days from the time you last saw her, and she couldn’t give you two hours of time? Something’s wrong here, my friend. You didn’t ask her out after a week. You should have. Instead, you let a month go by. To you Psych majors, you can’t let a month go by before asking the girl out. And you should have asked her out for a certain day and time. If she couldn’t make it, she should have counter-offered another day. But you dropped the ball here, Dre. It’s evident to me that you haven’t got “The System” memorized – if you even have it in the first place.

When Robin said that it would be better to hang out the following week, you should have texted her back that you would get together next Wednesday at six o’clock in the evening. In other words, YOU SHOULD HAVE CLOSED THIS GIRL, and you didn’t do it. You don’t ask a girl to look at her schedule. You ask her out for the day and time you want to go out.

Why are you asking Robin about babysitting? Why do you care why she can’t get together with you? All you should care about is that she’s going to be on a date with you. Now she has family get-togethers to attend to. Dude, there are 24 hours in a day. You got seven times 24 hours in a week – that’s a lot of hours to have a date. And this girl can’t give you a couple of hours? You’re rationalizing here, Dre.

You made another mistake by asking about Robin’s future babysitting schedule. Like I said, you should be asking her out for the specific day, and telling her what you’re going to do on the date. Let her figure out the other stuff. All you’re doing is helping her rationalize not going out with you because she’s busy.

As far as your phone goes, you have a huge problem. The telephone is part of dating today. You have to have a phone that works. You have one that doesn’t work, so you can’t even know whether a girl has your invitation for a date or not. Dre, get a new phone ASAP!

You don’t ask a girl when you can hang out. And you don’t hang out with girls. You’re going to go out on a date with Robin, period. You’re going to pick a date and a time. You’re not going to ask her for that. You are going to tell her. You are the man. You are the leader in this situation. You’re the person in charge here, or at least you’re supposed to be.

Of course you haven’t been texting Robin correctly because you haven’t been asking her out. When you text a girl, it’s only to ask her out for a certain date and time. You don’t text her to shoot the bull and go back and forth, which is all you’re doing. You might have thought you’d done certain things right when you texted back and forth, but you didn’t ask her out!

Actually, you really shouldn’t be texting this girl at all. You text her ONCE to get the date and that’s it. You show up for the date, and you don’t text between dates. That’s the rule. I’m sorry, buddy, but you’re clueless! Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “No wonder you’re getting butchered in high school!”

Of course you’re doing something wrong. You’re not asking Robin out on a date! You’re doing everything but. What should you do now? Ask her for a date at a certain time on a certain day and tell her what you’re going to do. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “Make it black and white.” And no calling back to verify the date.

Remember, guys: you have to be direct with her in order to know whether or not she likes you.

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(Some) Men Want Women For The Wrong Reasons

men want women

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW

Contrary to what you might think/read/feel my dating relationship education course called THE SYSTEM is not a pickup book nor is it a method to roll a conquest game on every woman you run across. It is actually a coaching book designed to make you a better man - the type of man she wants to keep for the long haul - the type of man that is capable of being in a long-term relationship with a good woman. Here are some things you should never want women for:

*One-night stands
*A way to stop being lonely
*Completing your life (thanks for putting that stupid concept out there "Jerry Maguire")
*Increasing your status among friends, family, co-workers, etc.

Before you think I'm this naive guy not living in the real world (because what guy doesn't like one-night stands or the feeling he gets when his friends say 'your lady is smoking hot') please realize that it is not me being out-of- touch but me understanding how ultimately things work in the real world and how the wrong reasons lead to the wrong results in most cases.

3 Signs Of Falling In Love

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WRONG REASONS = WRONG RESULTS

I've studied all the great thinkers on human nature - Robert Greene, Machiavelli, Eric Hoffer, Mark Twain (and more) and I can tell you that ultimately, yes, we do things because of selfish reasons - self-interest if you will - so I do understand that the whole component of being in a long-term relationship with a woman does have elements from our more base emotions in it.

However, what I'm talking about is your END GAME. If you keep pursuing one-night stands then all you do is become that rat on a wheel continuing to run faster with no destination - because ultimately that "pleasure" need has to be scratched over and over and over and over again - it's never going to be enough - it's always onto the next conquest.

I don't know any "player" that's truly happy and generally they become bitter when younger, faster, stronger "players" replace them in the game.

As far as not being lonely or having her "complete you," one of the most unattractive quality thousands of women have told me they find in a man is NEEDINESS.

How are you ever going to be in a good relationship with her when you can't even exist in your own skin unless she's there? Are you going to be joined at the hip when you get her? Is your life that empty that only she can save you from your miserable existence?

You better find a way to be okay with you because we all come into this world alone and we leave it alone - and it is NOT having her or not having her that makes you unhappy but it's YOU that makes YOU unhappy because you control your thoughts.

Status increase? Dumb.

Remember everyone comes at things from their own self-interest and whatever "compliments" you get by being with her (outside of possibly mom, dad or your grandpappy/mommy) is going to be either false praise or veiled (or not so veiled) envy/jealousy.

We always get in trouble when we think we "need to keep up with the Joneses" - in your case you want to have the beautiful brunette on your arm because that means you arrived in whatever false world you think you need to be in.

THOUSANDS OF MEN CHANGED THEIR LIVES WITH THE SYSTEM

Are you next?


Doc Love's Final Word

Remember guys, wanting women for all the wrong reasons will never get you the happiness you think it will.

JOIN THE DISCUSSION BELOW and tell me what you think or ask anything you'd like - thanks for reading!

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