Dating Women Advice: Does Hugh Grant Ever Feel Like A Third Wheel?

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WHAT'S THE 411 ON THIS ARTICLE?

He wants to commit suicide over her.  Guy, guy, guy - NEVER LET IT GET TO THAT POINT FOR ANY RELATIONSHIP!

Check out my advice to him and hit me up on the radio tonight - The Dating Women Radio Show is LIVE at 5:00 p.m. PT / 8:00 p.m. ET and I'll take your calls!

READER'S QUESTION

Hey Doc,

My, do I have a problem! Meredith and I have been going out for almost four years. But recently there’s been trouble. We are doing less and less together. She’s been spending more and more time with a younger guy. I’ve been going through a lot of stress with my job and my father is very ill. To ice the cake, this new guy has been trying to weasel his way in.

Meredith has asked me if I would accept an open relationship where she had several boyfriends. I told her that I didn’t like the idea, and she got a bit angry with me, saying she only wanted to experiment. She and the new guy have been hanging out more and more. Then I went through some of her belongings and found a plethora of letters from the other guy. They went into detail about how much he loved her and wanted to be with her, as well as various romantic acts they had performed together. In one of the letters, in which the other guy complained about feeling like a third wheel, Meredith wrote to him, “You shouldn’t feel like the third wheel, love. If anything, Rafael is the third wheel because I’ve cut him off from everything except for talking, and I’m slowly stopping even that. But don’t worry, I’ve got him under control.”

Doc, this angered me to no end, so I confronted Meredith and things got even worse. She left me for a week after confessing that she and the other guy had been together for a month, and all of that stuff in the letters did happen, and that she needed time to herself. Little did I know that time to herself included the other guy!

After the breakup I attempted to “off” myself numerous times. Meredith then proceeded to beg me for three days to take her back. She explained that she was tired of me being angry and arguing with her and for being depressed, and that she was sorry that she fell for the other guy. After a week, I took her back. But to this day, she has long periods of silence and absences that she can’t explain. She says that she’s spending time with her parents, but I don’t really believe her even though I want to. After a month I feel that I still can’t trust her. She still insists that she’s sorry and she loves me every day. I don’t know what to do, and I’m in dire need of coaching.

Rafael - who’s at the end of his rope

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DOC'S ANSWER

Hi Rafael,

First of all, let me correct you on something. The new guy isn’t “trying to weasel his way in,” he’s already in! Dude, you have a girlfriend of four long years who’s going out with another guy. Which means that you haven’t been going by “The System,” you’ve been taking Meredith for granted, you’re boring, and that’s why she’s fooling around with somebody else. And she’s doing it because her Interest Level is in the pits. And you deserve what’s happened because you don’t have my book and therefore haven’t been implementing the MAINTENANCE PROGRAM, which is outlined in those pages.

When Meredith asked you for an open relationship and several boyfriends, right there you should have known that you had someone who wasn’t into monogamy. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “When a girl isn’t into monogamy, she’s not good enough for you.”

And when you found out that Meredith and this other guy had performed all kinds of romantic acts, you should have dropped her immediately. This babe is not loyal. On the other hand, if she had high Interest Level in you, it would have bettered your odds of keeping her and having a great relationship.

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ANSWER CONTINUED...

Then she told the other guy not to worry for a minute about you. So Meredith is working two guys. She’s got an old guy – you – and a new guy, and she’s having a hell of a blast working both of you! But LOYALTY is the number one quality that a woman has to have in a relationship, and Meredith most definitely does NOT have it. In fact she gets a big, fat “F” in the subject!

Now she needs time to herself -- which includes the other guy. What you don’t realize is that you wasted four whole years on a girl who you didn’t even know. Rafael, this girl is into groups. Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “You don’t want to go out with a girl who likes the soccer team!”

It’s absolutely ridiculous to want to kill yourself over a girl, buddy. Are you serious about this? Boy oh boy, you’d better get my book ASAP! You’ve got so much to learn!

Meredith’s not sorry she fell for the other guy. In fact, she’s not sorry for anything! I mean, you don’t really believe that, do you? To you Psych majors, it’s amazing how a woman can work the male’s ego. She says everything he wants to hear and works him like a Stradivarius. She says all the right things, and everything is hunky-dory and all is forgiven. Right!

And you took her back, Rafael -- like 90% of the guys would take her back. But here’s the most important question: why would you even want to take back someone who’s running around with a younger guy, who doesn’t respect you, and who has low Interest Level in you?

Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “When a girl can’t explain her absences, she should be seeing a psychiatrist.” The coaching you need is this: GET MY BOOK AND MEMORIZE IT. Then tell Meredith to forget your name and your phone number.

Remember, guys: if she messes with another guy, you’re out.

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Dating Single Women – Old School Values

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ARE OLD SCHOOL VALUES AS RELEVANT AS A TYPEWRITER OR NOT?

I'm going to tell you right now - if you're into having many different "encounters" with many different partners then I'm not judging you nor telling you how to live your life but realize that this dating blog is not for you.

I teach guys how to keep Ms. Right long-term leading to marriage. I get that in the 2010's that philosophy isn't for everyone and that's cool by me. The longer I live the more I realize that the famous line from the Woody Allen movie "Hannah and Her Sisters" applies to people that think they know it all. Woody Allen's father in the movie, when posed a deep philosophical question about evil said "I don't know how the can opener works."

So, if you're totally against marriage, long-term relationships, monogamy, etc - that's your choice but if you are still into those things, you better not ignore old school values that will not only serve you in a relationship but in all areas of your life.

It's so easy to think that just because we have iPhones that we are automatically more enlightened than people wandering around in past eras. Why have integrity and protect your reputation? We can instagram instead - ugh.

By the way - the whole "open marriage" thing to me is really dumb - I get why people do it because they think they can have their cake and eat it too - but I'm here to tell you that THERE IS ALWAYS ONE PARTNER MORE INTERESTED THAN THE OTHER and there will eventually be jealousy, resentment, etc.

It just makes sense that someone is more in love and the more in love person is going to be the one harboring negative feelings even though they say it's okay. I don't see a point to getting married if you want it to be "open." You can keep it really "open" by never saying "I do" in the first place.

Below are 3 old school values that won't change and you AND the girl you decide to spend the next 40 years with better have these if you want a chance

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INTEGRITY/REPUTATION

Do what you say you'll do and don't pull any nonsense on anyone like trying to lie, cheat or steal to gain the advantage.

Basically be a stand up person and protect your reputation at all costs. We've talked about General Petraeus on the show before - what was his reputation prior to his scandal and then now?

We live in a world of instant communication - everyone can be their own journalist by pointing their HTC One at you and uploading you to YouTube - I completely recommend you get the book entitled "The 48 Laws of Power" because it will give you insights into human nature and why it is important you defend yourself against those that would destroy your reputation - and not in a paranoid way either - just in a common sense fashion.

Back to dating and relationships - if you cannot be the type of person and she cannot be the type of person that acts with integrity how can you build something based on mutual trust and respect? Well, the answer to that is you can't!

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KINDNESS

This is a vital one. If she's not kind and you're not kind then it's tough for each of you to bring anything to the table because kindness shows a concern for others that allows you to look outside yourself - we are so selfish in this society in many cases. What did I get? How are my needs going to be fulfilled? Look at all my pictures on Facebook. Check out what I had for breakfast. I'm so hurt and I'm telling my 1,321 friends about it and I hope I get over 65 likes on my post.

I get that we as people are selfish by nature - if people didn't have something in it for them nothing would get done - we'd still be running around calling each other Oog and struggling with the concept of fire.

However, in spite of all that there are some people that can overcome their natural inclination to look at the world completely as it affects them - they see the point of view of the other person and even if they don't need them, they still try to make things better for them.

I will take a "kind" cute girl over a "selfish" hot girl any day of the week for a long-term relationship - and by the way - that doesn't mean that extremely beautiful women cannot be kind nor does it mean that average women can't be selfish - I teach in my dating relationship education course named THE SYSTEM that you should get to know each woman over time. and evaluate her on the merits she brings as an individual.

The bottom line is that she better be kind and YOU better be kind too - because operating always as a selfish human being is not good for long-term relationships - you just don't get anything out of always being that person grabbing for everything they can all the time - it's ultimately an empty existence even if you've managed to get all the "toys" you think you need.

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LOYALTY

I can break it down simply - she's got your back and you have her back - and you two watch out for each other as she is the most important person in your life and vice versa. You don't put her on blast in public in ANY circumstance and she doesn't do it to you. You don't talk bad about her on social media, to your friends, at work, via smoke signals, etc. and you should expect the same - everything that happens is BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU - no one else.

The loyalty that you have to your partner and the loyalty that she has to you should be unwavering and unbreakable because if it's not then there is no foundation of trust and respect and therefore no relationship

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Doc's Final Word

I see from time to time on comments I read online (which amuse me) that my old school values are out-of-touch because since I've been doing this over 40 years how can I possibly know what's going on in the modern world? Regular readers of this blog know that Doc Love Dot Com, Inc. has embraced everything technology has to offer on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, Internet Radio and of course, my website -  I LOVE TECHNOLOGY.

In spite of being able to send a 6 second video, human beings haven't changed from the time we first learned to stand on two feet - were complex, selfish, competitive creatures that have a high degree of self-interest for nothing more than survival - and if you don't understand that basic human nature hasn't changed since the days when the "wheel" was the iPhone of the society in terms of advancement then you are heading for a fall.

Remember guys, if you're going to lock yourself up with a woman for the next 40 years then she better have those old school traits I describe above - and if she does then I expect you to have them as well.

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Dating Women Advice: Would Diddy Care If She Went Back To Her Ex?

WHAT'S THE 411 ON THIS ARTICLE?

He became predictable - and that was BORING to her - so he was OUT.  Find out how NOT to make that MISTAKE!

HOLD UP - DO YOU HAVE QUESTIONS FOR ME?

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READER'S QUESTION

Hey Doc,

I love “The System,” which I bought when I was in high school. I have taken a lot of the lessons from it and applied it to my life ever since. I think I do okay with women and I’ve had my fair share of girlfriends. It took me a while before I finally started dumping them instead of getting dumped, but I feel I’m getting better at it all the time -- until recently.

Courtney was awesome. She was hard-working, not the prettiest girl I have ever been with, but still cute. There was just something about her I really liked. But I did not hang out with her excessively. We both had our own lives. We both go to the same college, but live three hours apart. We are both on break now and we have seen each other only once since then. We were never officially boyfriend and girlfriend, but everyone kind of assumed we were. I feel I presented Challenge by going out with friends, and it was obvious to Courtney that other girls liked me. I even had a few girls try incredibly hard to steal me away when I was with Courtney.

But what I don’t understand is that ever since we haven’t been able to see each other with our busy schedules our mutual feelings have faded. She told me two weeks ago that she had started talking to her ex again and felt guilty about it and had to tell me. I told her that if that was the case, I did not want to date anymore. This resulted in a few arguments over the situation. I didn’t message her for the following week, then she said she had to talk to me. It turns out that she is now dating her ex again. She said she feels bad about it and wants us to be friends. I told her that I no longer wanted to talk to her. She has continued to apologize to me over what happened, but I haven’t responded.

Doc, my question is this: is this relationship ultimately finished? I am not going to pursue it, but did I do the right thing if I want to be an alpha male who will be a Challenge? I am going on dates with two different girls next week, but for some reason I can’t stand the fact that Courtney did this to me. I just don’t know where I went wrong. She was the one I liked best out of all the girls I’ve been with. I just want some constructive criticism to not only grow but to become that much better in my future relationships. For some reason this blow from Courtney is bothering me even though I was never officially with her.

Arnold - who hopes he took the right stand

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DOC'S ANSWER

Hi Arnold,

When a guy studies “The System,” he begins to realize that usually one of two things happens in a relationship: one, someone gets dumped, and worse, they both get married. But what you have to remember is that Interest Levels never move at the same time and pace for both people involved in the relationship. It simply doesn’t happen. Usually one person’s interest is in the 80s, and the other’s is 49%. The one who is at 49% will feel nothing at the breakup, while the one at 85% is going to feel all the pain.

You say that you didn’t hang out with Courtney excessively. Dude, you’re not supposed to “hang out” at all. You’re supposed to date a woman. But when you say you live three hours apart, you mean there’s at least 150 miles between the two of you. This is a long distance relationship, pal. Right here your odds of success are poor.

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Courtney was supposed to ask you to be her boyfriend between six and 12 dates. So if you weren’t “official” with her, you were nothing, really. That’s in the book. Are you sure you read it?

Busy schedules are no excuse for what’s happened here. You and Courtney go to the same college. There has to be some way for you to get together. Why did you and she not work on doing that?

So Courtney tells you that she’s talking to her ex. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “This is where you’re supposed to forgive her of her sins.” Here’s a girl who you like, and she’s telling you about her ex and hurting you and she thinks she’s being honest. Let me explain something to you. Women aren’t here to be honest with men. They are here to make men feel good, and vice-versa. The only reason Courtney has gone back to her ex is because her interest in you is in the 40s and headed further south. That’s in my book, and if you’ve had it since high school, you didn’t actually read it. You certainly didn’t memorize it, Arnold! This is first grade stuff, pal.

Do you know why Courtney is dating her ex? She’s falling back on her last guy because she doesn’t want to go it alone. This is what some women do – they go back to their exes in order to convalesce. As soon as she recovers from you in three to six months, she’ll drop her ex and go on to boyfriend number three. This is a pattern that women with low Self-Esteem always exhibit.

When Courtney said she wanted to be friends, you should have said “A great idea! We’ll always be friends!” And you should have added, “Hey, I think your ex is probably a great guy, otherwise you wouldn’t have gone back to him. And I hope the two of you are very, very happy!” Then you should have gone and flushed her number straight down the toilet.

Yes, my friend, this relationship is ultimately done. But you caused it. You had my book, you had time in with Courtney, but you couldn’t hold her. You could get her, but you couldn’t keep her. That’s what happens to guys who have my book and don’t memorize it.

You weren’t a Challenge, dude. If you were, Courtney’s Interest Level would have stayed up in the stars. No guy likes getting rejected, Arnold. Remember, rejection is man’s most feared emotion. Nobody likes getting dumped. But the real point here is this: you had time in with Courtney, as I said, and you couldn’t keep her. That’s what you’re not getting.

What you did with this babe was that you saw her too much, you were too predictable and worst of all, you became boring. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “You can give a woman anything, but you can’t give her boredom.”

The reason you’re hurting is that you had time in with Courtney. That’s what counts. Forget the “official” stuff.

Remember, guys: if a woman leaves you, it’s because you deserve it.

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Angry With Women? Useless & Stupid

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WHY ARE YOU WASTING TIME BEING ANGRY DUDE?

This isn't going to be one of my usual columns but I think it's important to put out there - I'm getting really tired of all the anger towards women that I see as if women owe guys anything just because they find them attractive. I get no guy likes to be rejected and it aggravates you when you see a girl you really like with a guy you can't stand or are envious of.

However, if you walk around bitter or resentful or angry because you're alone then all you hurt is yourself (and NEVER think of hurting women - or anyone else for that matter). If you're ever going to have a long-term relationship with a lady, as I teach in my dating relationship education course named THE SYSTEM then you have to start with you - be the best you can be and accept who you are - don't try to be a 3rd rate version of the guy you saw with the pretty blonde - be the guy you are and understand you're unique.

I know, I know - it all sounds like mumbo jumbo when you're wandering around dateless at the bar and you imagine all the happiness the couples you see have but don't you realize you're RUINING a precious day in your existence by harboring any negative feelings? We really have a great hobby in rich countries like the U.S. and that's feeling sorry for ourselves. You think about all the stuff you don't have instead of counting your blessings for what you do have (and I'm sure if you sat down to think about it, you can come up with things to be thankful for).

WHY IS IT ALWAYS HIM AND NEVER ME THAT SHE LIKES?

Yes, I know that's a question you've probably asked yourself many times but I'm here to tell you to GET THAT NONSENSE OUT OF YOUR HEAD.

There are women that like you but you have to learn not to blow it with them - and my SYSTEM will teach you to do just that and make you a BETTER man in the process.

By the way - it's the REAL DEAL - I'm not an internet fake that tells you that you can have any woman you want - THERE IS NO MAN ALIVE that can have every woman he wants.

However, I bet you have way more chances than you think you do but you've got to get all the nonsense out of your head first - and I can coach you to do just that!


SO HOW DO I BECOME LESS ANGRY DOC?

The minute you make the assumption that your happiness depends on finding and keeping Ms. Right is the exact minute you're heading down a slippery slope of stinking thinking because there is NO ONE in the world that can make you happy except you and I think that's the source of many outbursts of negative emotions towards women - guys have it in their mind they need the girl they're attracted to be happy - and if they don't get her then they can't be - no wonder the poor girl becomes the object of so much bitterness - when you tie your life up that far in the decisions of another human being then it's predictable what will happen.

Why do you think I tell you not to take women personally and that dating is like sales where you'll go through a lot of rejection for that one sweet sale? I say that because if you invest too much emotional capital in meeting and keeping this girl then you've set up "if" conditions to be happy. "If" I get her, I can be happy. "If I retire, I can be happy." "If, if, if, if, if" to infinity. If you're always looking for that future place to be happy all you will do is spin your wheels and look back and say "where did my life go?"

Let's say the best case scenario is you get the most wonderful and gorgeous woman you've ever seen and your life is now awesome in your eyes - a new set of worries emerges. What if she leaves you? What if she passes away ? Instead of being worried about getting her now you're worried about losing her.

Yes, please keep trying to meet and keep Ms. Right because it's worth it but DO NOT let the process embitter you and do not depend on her or ANYONE else to allow you to enjoy your life on a day by day basis - it is really the way you react to the own events in your life that will determine your level of contentment. Remember guys, being angry with women is the MOST MORONIC thing you can do in dating.

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TIME FOR YOU TO JOIN THE DISCUSSION

Please listen to my audio about never hitting women as well - I appreciate you reading this and welcome your feedback below - please weigh in and let's get a discussion going!

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Dating Women Advice: Do Babes Ever Tell Tim Tebow To Get Lost?

Overcome The Fear Of Rejection

What's The 411 On This Article?

This one is pretty simple - he did the wrong things with her and got a predictable response - REJECTION - don't let it happen to you!

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READER'S QUESTION

Hey Doc,

I’m not an expert by any means when it comes to dating, and I consider myself to be a student who will never stop learning. Anyway, I met Lena three months ago by means of an online dating service. She contacted me first, so I waited a couple days to respond so as to not seem interested. On our first date things went smoothly, I didn’t touch her and I kept my cool.

As time went on I kept track of Lena’s Interest Level. More and more she talked about travelling together, talking about what to get me for my birthday, always telling me how handsome I was, telling me that she always thought of me, and even asked if I would join her on a trip to Mexico. I kept my cool, and didn't give her much back because we’d only dated for two and a half months. I followed the principle of not expressing myself verbally, but made a couple errors here and there, like spending too much time on a single date, but I would always have in the back of my mind that I needed to disappear to bring Lena’s interest back up if any was lost.

A few times Lena commented that she always dated older guys, and that she never dated schoolboys like myself. I always made light, funny comments in return. Lena also didn’t like the fact that I didn’t say “Hello, Beautiful” in the morning. Once she had left tuna fish on the counter and after returning from a date I made the joking comment “It smells like a yeast infection in here!” which she took personally even though it wasn’t aimed at her.

Anyway, a week ago -- three months into the relationship -- Lena said that we were incompatible and broke up with me. She said that my chivalry, my lovemaking, my humor, and everything else about me is a “10.” She said that if we continued to be together, one of us will get hurt. I have come to find out that Lena has a past in which she catered to a guy 13 years her senior who didn’t treat her well, but she put up with him. Lena smokes marijuana and is also a cigarette smoker. I believe she has deep insecurities, and isn’t able to deal with Challenge.

Doc, was my performance in the dating stage flawed? Some simple feedback would be appreciated.

Lucio - who is still trying to learn

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DOC'S ANSWER

Hi Lucio,

It’s really important that you mention that you will never stop learning. You need to be reading seven pages of my book every single night in order to reap the full benefits of its wisdom. You have to keep in close touch with “The System,” otherwise you’ll revert to your old ways.

Let me explain something to you. When a woman is trying to get a date with you, that’s NOT the time to use Challenge on her! She hasn’t even seen you yet, Lucio! You have to get in front of her face in order to work Challenge. You’re not supposed to wait on her invitation to a date because she’s never met you physically. Challenge only works after you she has seen you in real life!

Nevertheless, at first Lena couldn’t stop telling you how great you were. This is the rare moment in time when the woman’s Interest Level is 95% and you can do no wrong. But what most men can’t do is keep her interest in the 90s. And that’s where you have to know “The System” inside and out, because in the book there are techniques for maintaining high interest. So you’re not paying enough attention to my book, guy.

You do make an excellent point about disappearing in order to push up a woman’s Interest Level. It shows you have a basic understanding of the concept of Challenge. But when Lena told you that she preferred dating older guys, right away you should have known you had a BIG problem. This babe has a pattern of digging older guys. Some women are just that way. Some go for short guys, some like tall guys, and some go for older guys over younger guys.

In addition, Lena wants to tell you what to say to her. This woman is STRUCTURED. But here’s the big mistake you made: your tuna fish comment was indeed aimed at Lena. And you violated some of the five basic dating rules, which are keep it light, keep it funny, no heavy subjects, no negatives and no putdowns. On the last two – no negatives and no putdowns – you get a big, fat “F!” You blew it! Dude, you never imply a bad smell when it comes to your girlfriend. Are you sure you read my book?

Now let me get this straight. Lena loves everything about you but she’s going to walk? This is Womanese, Lucio! To you Psych majors, women will never tell you “You turned me off.” They always hand you a bunch of malarkey instead – the second, third, fourth, and fifth reasons for why they want to dump you -- not the real one. Like most women, Lena is trying to let you down gently so you’ll get the drift and just go away.

Of course one of you is going to get hurt – YOU! It certainly isn’t going to be her, because she’s already bailed!

Again, her past tells you that she likes a different type of guy. Like my cousin General Love says, “She likes old geezers that are dictators.” And you have to understand that you might have been a Challenge to Lena at one time, but you were doing things to turn her off as well. Her Interest Level went from 95% to 45% and you didn’t see it happening because you weren’t familiar enough with my book. If you’d read it once a week for 15 weeks, then seven pages a night like you’re supposed to, you wouldn’t be in the fix you’re in. Lena liked you at first, but like most men who get a woman to love him, you didn’t know how to keep her.

Yes, your dating performance was flawed. You had to do things wrong because you turned her off and now she’s getting rid of you.

Remember, guys: until you’ve memorized “The System,” you don’t stand a chance.

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3 Great Pieces of Dating Advice From Men - FOR MEN

LET'S TALK FELLAS!

What do you think about the above article?  Do you think she was right to blow him off?  Did he do the wrong things?  I would enjoy it if you'd give me your take.  Let's start talking below!

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3 Things Women Want In A Man

Overcome The Fear Of Rejection

CAN YOU REALLY BE THE TYPE SHE WANTS?

After interviewing thousands of women I can boil things down for you in 3 succinct areas that are really important for you to grasp. Truly, what I've learned from women, combined with my willingness to take it from the man's point of view has led me to what I do today in changing the lives of thousands of men (and women) around the globe.

By the way, my teachings are based on having long-term relationships with women - if you're deal is to be a pick up artist and bed as many women as possible - I'm not judging you - but also be aware my materials aren't for you - what I teach is for good men that want a lasting relationship with one good woman.

3 things women want in a man

Be A Gentleman

A gentleman is a unique type of dude - he's strong enough to have his own opinion and isn't afraid to say no when he really doesn't want to do something but on the other hand he's not a caveman that will never see his partner's point of view. He doesn't have a problem with compromise and he certainly doesn't see his lady as someone that he owns or controls.

He's a real man's man but also a gentle cat that gets along with everyone that he encounters (as long as they don't mess with him!) I teach in my dating relationship education course named THE SYSTEM that you don't want to be a WIMPUS AMERICANUS (too happy to be there) nor do you want to be a MACHO BOY (thinking that she's lucky to breathe the same air as you).

By the way, the MACHO BOY and BAD BOY are one in the same - and women like them better than WIMPUS because they don't fall at her feet - it is better to be a MACHO BOY than the WIMP but good women get tired of the act after awhile because these guys are so negative.

When you're a gentleman you are a positive force - you're no one's fool but you're also a guy that can be flexible and giving (just as you want her to be).

3 things women want in a man

Be Humorous

Make her laugh man - and if you're not funny then GET BETTER AT IT. You've got no excuses not to get funnier.

Now I know that were not all destined to do a funny rap alongside Jimmy Fallon but that doesn't mean you can't take your game to the next level and get more humorous than you already are. There are books, classes, audio, YouTube video, local community theater, improve troupes, etc. that can get you funnier! You could even listen to XM Radio's comedy channels and expose yourself to stand up all the time so that some of that stuff starts seeping in.

Being humorous doesn't mean you tell jokes all the time - the best comedians in the world don't tell jokes. They take an every day situation and put a twist on it and make it funnier. It's a way of looking at the world in a bit of an off-center way that makes you laugh.

For example, I've been watching a lot of Seinfeld lately since he just cut the deal with Hulu to stream all his shows and he had that one famous routine where he talks about the commercial where the laundry product claims to get blood out of your shirt and he postulates that perhaps laundry isn't your biggest problem if you need to get blood out of your shirt. It's not a joke per se but a funny way of looking at a commercial that we've all seen a bunch of times. Make an effort to be better at making her laugh - she LOVES to laugh.

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3 things women want in a man

Be On The Path To Improvement

Only the MERCENARY/GOLD DIGGER cares that you've fully arrived before she bleeds you dry - the good women of the world just want to know that you're actively trying to improve yourself just as they are.

There isn't one person in the world that can't use improvement - I keep going back to Jerry Rice - who was the greatest WR of all time in the NFL and in his Hall of Fame speech he talked about how he continually tried to improve. How do you improve on what he did? The answer is you keep trying if you're Jerry Rice because you're never satisfied with whatever "success" you've had because you know you can do better. I advise guys to be lifelong learners and explorers that are curious and not base their decisions on what they do on whether or not they're going to get this girl or that girl.

Yes, I know if you're reading this you want someone but she's not going to appear because you did things with attracting her as your primary goal - she'll appear because you're the type of guy that she's looking for. What type is that you may ask?

You're the type that is taking what you have and improving it every single day regardless of what others may think - including her. If the end game is to "get a girl" then you're mindset is wrong. You should always be a better version of yourself that works to make that happen every single day - and the only criteria you should judge yourself on is "am I surpassing the me that existed yesterday?" If you enhance the 3 areas above then you'll be the type of guy that women want - and no better time than the present to start!

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THE SYSTEM

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Hey, what do you think about what you just read?  Got any questions or comments?  Join the discussion below!

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Dating Women Advice: Are Babes Ever Afraid To Commit To Klay Thompson?

Dating Single Women

WHAT'S THE 411 ON THIS ARTICLE?

If you have a good girl that wants a ring then it's dumb to be a "challenge" to her - commit already! Read on...

Don't forget about listening live to my Dating Women Radio Show WEDNESDAY, 7/8/15 & call in on the #'s below at 5:00 p.m. PT / 8:00 p.m. ET

855-345-7465 US Toll FREE
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READER'S QUESTION

Hey Doc,

I’ve had your book for four years and have read it dozens of times. Here’s the situation. Cassie has wanted me to commit to her for six months now. She is 27. However, my Interest Level has historically crept up slowly with women. Cassie has seemingly shown many signs of high interest: never turns down any of my invites, plans activities for us, has tended to me every time I’ve been sick, and excitedly introduced me to her parents (big deal for her, since she’s a conservative girl). Despite being frustrated by my hesitance to commit, Cassie has stuck by me, and has shunned the advances of other guys.

Anyway, here’s the kicker. One morning she invites me over for breakfast at her apartment. I tell her I can’t make it, but can come for dinner. Over dinner, she brings up how she has “underlying frustration” regarding my uncertainty about us. I told her that I’m coming around to the fact of us being together. She looked stunned and teared up. She then lectured me about how she has built up “emotional walls” against me in fear that I was one day going to choose another girl. She said she fears those walls may be too thick, and that she now needs some time to “think about things and process” the situation. She then told me that she hopes I understand her frustration. She asked that I spend the night with her, but in order to be a Challenge (and to clear my mind), I told her that may not be the best idea, and for her to take some time to herself.

Cassie has contacted me every day since then, asking if I’m okay and complaining that I’ve been more quiet than usual. However, she has not said that she is ready to let her guard down and be with me. In short, Doc, this woman had 90%-plus Interest Level for months, asked to be with me for a while, I finally obliged, and now she seems too scared to do it.

It feels like the tables have completely flipped, though I’d say my interest is still in the “safe” mid 70s. Do I need to have patience with this woman while she “processes things,” or is that all malarkey? Am I out? Is she in the dreaded 49% or lower interest zone? Is it time to cease all contact with her, cut the losses and go and get loaded up on other girls’ home phone numbers?

Dee - who feels like he’s still on top of it

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DOC'S ANSWER

Hi Dee,

It’s great that your Interest Level climbs up slowly. I wish more guys would be like you. As soon as most guys even set eyes on a girl their Interest Level is 90%! So it’s good that you have some Self-Control.

Now let’s look at what you’ve got here. You have the perfect girl in Cassie, she has time in with you, and The System” says that it’s okay for her to ask for a commitment. She’s already shown you her character, she treats you great (and your Interest Level is lower than hers so you are being objective), and from reading my book you can distinguish a good girl from a bad one. Finally, she shuns the advances of other guys, so she has the all-important quality of Loyalty. So what in the world are you waiting for?

GET BETTER WITH WOMEN ASAP BY GETTING "THE SYSTEM"

Thousands of men worldwide have had their lives changed by getting THE SYSTEM because it is the only course in the world that truly answers the question "why does a woman choose to stay with one man versus another?"


Telling Cassie you’re “coming around” isn’t going to work with her. Her Interest Level is in the 90s and you’ve met her parents. Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “What else does she have to do, back flips?” Of course she’s afraid you’re going to meet someone else -- she’s shown her love for you and you’re being hesitant. You’re not going along with her. So you’re the problem, not Cassie. The problem is that you DON’T understand her frustration at all!

Here’s somewhere else you’re wrong. You don’t have to be a Challenge with this girl anymore. You already OWN her. All you have to do is pop up with an engagement ring. Do you want Cassie to go out with you another five years before you make a move? The reason she keeps calling you is that she’s a girl in love. Now you’re acting all moody when she has a legitimate complaint against you: you don’t want to commit.

When Cassie complains that she doesn’t know if she wants to be with you, it’s nothing but a mock struggle. She doesn’t mean any of this. She’s not too scared to commit to you. You’re misreading everything here, dude. I can’t believe you read my book dozens of times and yet you missed such a basic point. When a girl gives you her heart and puts lots of time in with you and treats you like a king, she expects you to come up with an engagement ring. She’s got the time in and you get along great together, but you have a hang-up that doesn’t make any sense!

Cassie is not processing anything. She’s hurt, Dee. She gave you everything and you’re not reciprocating, and that’s the problem. You’re misunderstanding everything that I teach. Are you sure you have the right book?

You’re not out, Dee – you’re in. But Cassie wants a ring. She’s telling you indirectly that she wants to marry you. But you want to buy more time – but for what? To go steady with her for another five years?

No, you’re not out, buddy. Cassie’s Interest Level is 95%. She’s in love with you and wants you to wake up and marry her. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “It’s not time to go looking for other girls – it’s time to go to Kay Jewelers!”

I don’t know what you’re on top of, Dee, but it’s certainly not common sense!

Remember, guys: when you have a good girl who has time in, she deserves a commitment

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Online Dating Tips For Men: Avoiding Time Wasters

Be Careful - These Women Will Give You Carpal Tunnel!

Pointing your browser (or Smartphone app) at the profiles of the ladies you're into is an awesome way to get to know someone in the 21st century and you can get more online dating tips for men in my article here but I want to go over some time wasting women you'll encounter on the world wide web because they're out there ready to give you carpal tunnel and false hope!

online dating tips for men

Time Waster #1: I Don't Know You Very Well

This is the most insidious and creepy one that women can pull online in my opinion. She responds to your message right away and you have great conversations back and forth where you think that meeting her out is imminent until she puts the brakes on with one of the following statements in response to your request to meet her for coffee or a drink:

"Can we speak on the phone first?"

"I need to talk to you more online before I'm comfortable."

"It's too soon."


I'm assuming you didn't come off creepy yourself by saying something sexual or suggesting an out of the way bar and had about 3-4 normal messages back and forth with her. This type of lady is seeking nothing but attention and has no intent of actually meeting you - she just loves her virtual pen pal! Normal women with normal interest level in getting to know you will meet you in a nice, casual, public place after 3-4 good emails back and forth. If she pulls a variation of any of those statements above and you've done everything right then just say NEXT

       THE SYSTEM - 60 DAYS!

I've spent my life interviewing thousands of women asking them why they choose to stay with one man versus another and when you buy my SYSTEM you have 60 days to try it out and if it doesn't change your life then return it, no questions asked!

BUY THE SYSTEM NOW AND WOMEN WILL NEVER LOOK AT YOU THE SAME AGAIN​

online dating tips for men

Time Waster #2: Separated

I can't believe guys get sucked into this one! I teach in my dating relationship education course named THE SYSTEM that you should have NO exes floating around in the background and if she's separated then don't go there - and I don't care how "over" she says it is (because, gosh, you can trust what an online stranger says to you, right? Errr....).

If she's separated then she's still LEGALLY MARRIED so I would say that qualifies as more than an ex floating around in the background - SHE'S GOT A HUSBAND FLOATING AROUND IN THE BACKGROUND.

Listen - it *might* really be over and he *might* live 10 states away with his new girlfriend but then again it's more likely that there is still at the very least drama going on.

Why in the world would you want to deal with that? Just because she's hot? Yeah, physical attraction can blind guys but don't let it happen. If you're looking to start something then start with a clean deal - make sure she's either single or divorced because "separated" means there's still another guy in the picture - not worth it to get 7 dates in and find out they decided to reconcile!

online dating tips for men

Time Waster #3:  Random Responses

You email her and bam she emails you back right away. You think you have a "live one" and then you respond and then................nothing.

She is online nearly every day but no response to your response. Then a week later you get a "sorry - been busy blah blah blah" and then you respond - and then.................nothing.

The communication between the U.S. and Russia in 1955 was way less strained than this hot mess you're into. You know why you're getting random response? Because she's either not interested or a head case - either way - forget her! A normal flow is to have 3-4 emails go back and forth over the course of 7-10 days and then have a coffee date or drink somewhere to see if you have real life chemistry. The random response woman represents frustration and wasted time!

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Dating Women Advice: Do Babes Ever Rebuff Lenny Kravitz?

WHAT'S THE 411 ON THIS ARTICLE?

"Friends with benefits" does NOT mean you can get a relationship!  Read on...

Don't forget about listening live to my Dating Women Radio Show WEDNESDAY, 7/8/15 & call in on the #'s below at 5:00 p.m. PT / 8:00 p.m. ET

855-345-7465 US Toll FREE
646-668-8937 - international plus Alaska and Hawaii

READER'S QUESTION

Hey Doc,

I skimmed over your book and it led me to the point where I am now e-mailing you.

For the past three years I have been in the dreaded “friend zone” with Violet. I did just about everything right when I met her. Got all the way to the point of falling asleep with her on the couch at sunrise and moving in for a kiss only to have her say she wanted to wait and not rush into it. It then stagnated for a year before we became friends with benefits for a few months. I then pushed for making Violet my girlfriend and BAM -- back in the friend zone.

Violet is now with me every weekend. She stays over and sleeps in the same bed as me. We cuddle in bed and whenever I attempt a more romantic gesture, she rebuffs me in a firm but friendly way. It just doesn't make sense. She even admits that she wishes she was more logical, and while intoxicated she has cried to me that she wishes she “wasn’t so stupid by going for idiot guys” or that perhaps if I would put up more of a Challenge she would be attracted to me romantically again.

I have tried hitting the reset button by ceasing to be friends with Violet for a few months at a time with no contact. But over the past month I began talking to her again about our relationship, making my intentions obvious. Her response now is that the two of us should get married at 40 if we are both still single (I’m 28 and she’s 25). This is beyond infuriating, and 95% of the other women I’ve been with I would’ve stopped caring about ages ago.

Other than not talking to Violet, do you have any coaching for me?

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DOC'S ANSWER

Hi Corkie,

Using the word SKIM when it comes to “The System” is probably the biggest mistake of your life. My material must be MEMORIZED. You have to be able to get up in front of Toastmasters and talk about any part of my book for eight minutes. When you are able to do that, you’ll know you have my techniques down. And having them DOWN COLD is the only way you will become a success with women. Look at it this way: you can’t skim calculus. You can’t skim plastic surgery. It just won’t work. The same applies to “The System.”

So, you’ve been in the dreaded friend zone with Violet for three whole years. Why would any guy spend three entire years chasing a girl whose Interest Level is below 50%? This is what you get from just skimming a few pages of my book, Corkie! It’s all about the woman’s Interest Level, and Violet does not have interest above 50% in you! That’s your problem. And it’s that simple! And you leeched around this babe for three years? Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “What about all the women you missed out on in those three years?”

Now let me get this straight. You’ve spent three years with a woman, you go in for a kiss, and you’re rushing? Doesn’t this tell you something about Violet’s Interest Level? Or does it tell you that she should see a shrink?

When you and Violet became friends with benefits, you might have gotten her body, but you didn’t get her mind and heart, which is what you’ve wanted all along. What this means is that this woman DOESN’T DIG YOU. When you pushed to make Violet your girl, you didn’t get knocked back into the friend zone, you never LEFT the friend zone!

Now whenever you make a romantic gesture when you’re in bed together, Violet rebuffs you. In other words, you’re like her little brother. Or like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “You’re a stuffed teddy bear that she likes to hug at night.”

This whole thing does make sense, Corkie. Because this chick doesn’t like you. And you’re just projecting your Interest Level onto her. She’s not really attracted to idiot guys -- what she really means is that she’s more interested in guys who are a Challenge and have an edge to them. You’re not a Challenge and you don’t have an edge. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “You’re nothing but an open book to this woman.” When she said that if you were more of a Challenge she might be attracted to you, she was telling you the truth right there. But you don’t know what Challenge really is because you just skimmed my book.

Then you tell me that you’ve tried not having contact with Violet for months at a time. Dude, I’m shocked at the amount of time you’ve spent on a woman who has ZERO Interest Level in you! Even in just skimming my book you should have caught onto this! Are you sure you know how to read?

And now you’re making your intentions to Violet obvious all over again. In other words, you have high Interest Level and she has NO Interest Level! Then she suggested waiting another 20 years to get married if neither of you have found someone else. So in addition to having low Interest Level in you, Violet is a cuckoo!

Of course you would have stopped caring about any other woman if she’d done the same thing to you. But your Interest Level is somewhere between 90% and 100%. IT’S WAY TOO HIGH, pal. To you Psych majors, your Interest Level should never get up that high. It shouldn’t get higher than 80% to 89%, and the woman’s should be up at 90% to 100%. But Violet’s interest is below 50%, which means it can never go up. My friend, you have to get your Interest Level in Violet down by walking away and finding a replacement.

Remember, guys: never try to keep someone who doesn’t want to keep you.

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855-345-7465 US Toll FREE
646-668-8937 - international plus Alaska and Hawaii

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Plenty of Fish Free Online Dating Review

Plenty of Fish Free Online Dating Review

The 411 On Plenty Of Fish Or POF For Short

It's a free dating website - sort of - because if you want some upgraded features then you're going to have to pay and even if you don't pay, expect every other dating website to be in your face because Plenty of Fish is not shy about using your information to target you while you're there

POF Dating Site - What You Need To Know

Point your browser at POF.com (that's the easiest way to remember it) and then sign up for a free account - it's pretty self-explanatory as to what you have to do but there is one confusing part. They ask you towards the back end of the sign up process to answer a series of questions so you match with potential dates better but you can easily skip that part. I don't really see a benefit to doing it because these online relationship predictor tests can be pretty goofy. Who cares if I'm "more likely" to read a book instead of party? Does that mean that I should skip all the girls that like to go out on the weekends?

As I teach in my dating relationship education course named THE SYSTEM, I don't want you to waste a ton of time online - your only object is to get her out for a coffee date so you can see how you mix in the real world! By the way, if you want some strategies for getting better with PlentyOfFish.com or any other online dating site for singles then read my article here.

What's Great About POF Online Dating

Okay, free is good - that's a good start. Also, there are a TON of women on there - because, it's, well, free. They also don't put you through a big song and dance to get your photos or profile approved - it's pretty instantaneous - which is great when you're just dying to send that pretty redhead a message. Also, they're pretty careful to limit guys to contacting women that are no younger than 14 years their junior - which I tell you guys all the time that you shouldn't be trying to go for women with too big of an age gap anyway - because there is such a difference in life experience and where you're headed - it's nearly impossible to build a long-term romance in May-December fashion.

I like what the founder of POF says in talking about this subject related to his dating website: "There is no reason for a 50 year old man to contact 18-year-old women. The majority of messages sent outside those age ranges are all about hook-ups." I agree totally with that - and THE SYSTEM is all about long-term relationships that can go the distance - so if you're 50, for example, stay in your "pond" and go for late 30's to your age range (okay - sorry about the bad pun!) If you want more of my thoughts on this check out my post on older men dating younger women here .

Another good thing is their POF Forums are pretty active - now I don't recommend you follow the advice a lot of those folks give because many are CLUELESS but you can pick up nuggets from time to time and it's especially good to see what the women are saying because as you know on my dating women radio show I often talk about things from Glamour, Cosmopolitan, etc., because the more you can get into the mindset of where the ladies are at, the better (however, don't take everything they say as 100% truth - for example - they may say they want a nice guy but they go for the bad boy - my course can help you decipher their "Womanese.")

WHY DOES A WOMAN CHOOSE TO STAY WITH ONE MAN VERSUS ANOTHER?

Only THE SYSTEM knows - and it's changed the lives of THOUSANDS of men around the world!

What's Not So Great About POF Online Dating

In no particular order...

  • You cannot eliminate the ads in the free version (see the section on "upgrading" below for more on this - you can eliminate these). These ads are ANNOYING because they're so specific to you - you'll see ads based on your profile and it's relatively creepy. Say, you're a blonde guy that's 35 - you'll see ads for other dating websites that say "our ladies love 35-year old blonde guys." It's smart on the part of PlentyOfFish.com but it does get a little intrusive.
  • Women get a TON of messages because any yahoo with an internet connection can sign up free and start sending emails. It's tough for you to get through the mess and also the ladies there are a little more worn out by the time you get to them because even though POF's founder doesn't want this to be a hook up site, some guys try to use it that way. Their user agreement states that you could get banned for this behavior but do you think they have time to watch every single message from all the accounts they have?
  • Their "meet me" feature is goofy. You can click "yes" to meeting a woman and she can do the same - it's kind of like POF's version of the Match.com "wink" but I personally don't think it works very well - some of my students have told me that they've sent emails to women that clicked "yes" to them and gotten no response - now how is that possible (by the way, you have to be an upgraded member to see the women interested in you).

Plenty of Fish Free Online Dating Review

Do You Upgrade In POF.com?

Here's what they claim happens to upgraded members - and only you can make the choice if you want to do this or not - but by every claim I'll tell you my opinion (curiously they don't list seeing women that want to meet you in their "pitch" - they only talk about you showing up first - however, in the meet me section, they bait you to upgrade by telling you that women want to "meet you" and when you try to find out who, it's time to whip out your credit card - and you know my thoughts on that feature!)

  • Show up first on Meet Me! (I don't think this works very well - not a benefit).
  • Unlock every user's Extended Profile (not a benefit - a lot of people don't bother filling this out).
  • See if your emails were read or deleted (not a benefit - who cares if they read them or not - you only care about responses).
  • Experience POF ad-free (I like this - definitely a good thing).
  • Find out the date and time someone viewed your profile (again, not a benefit - we only care about responses).
  • Massive increase in emails (students that have tried this say this isn't necessarily true).
  • Number of people viewing your profile triples (students that have tried this say this isn't necessarily true).
  • Stand out in all searches (I will say they do highlight members so this is a benefit).
  • Send three gifts per day (I advise guys to give no gifts of any kind until she's your girlfriend - so this isn't a benefit).
  • This upgrade more than doubles your chances of meeting someone (I'd like to see some statistics on this - can they say this for 100% of the guys?)
  • Upload 16 images (I suggest 2 photos - one casual - one professional - done by a working photographer - so you don't need all this).
So, most of the "benefits" aren't benefits in my mind - but you can make your own decision on that - the cheapest price you can get as of the writing of this article is $10.18 per month - but you have to commit for 8 months to get this price - $81.40 out of your pocket right away. You can go with a 2-month plan and that will be $19.35 a month - or $38.70 out the door once you click "Upgrade."

Plenty of Fish Free Online Dating Review

Plenty Of Fish Complaints

Again, in no particular order...

  • Customer service is non-existent - if you send an email to them, forget it - it's not getting answered - one of my students tried 5x to no avail.
  • They have randomly deleted accounts for no reason - and why is that? Well, the people complaining can't find out since they don't answer emails!
  • There is no way to hide your views of women - so if you keep going back to her profile you'll show up as a view - which can be a bit creepy from her perspective
  • Like with any dating website, there are scammers running around - if she seems to good to be true, she probably is!

Doc's Final Word Is Plenty Of Fish A Scam?

No, it's actually a very good site with actual ladies you can meet (some that want to meet you too). Like everything it has pitfalls and things to irritate you but I wouldn't hold back in joining - you might meet Ms. Right from that site!

More success with POF

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