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I read and really liked your column about whether or not men should tolerate broken dates. I was stood up for my second date with Brianna and the situation is very confusing to me.
I went on a date with Brianna on a Thursday night. I thought we had a great time. We had good chemistry and when I drove her home, she held my hand and we shared goodnight kisses.
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She mentioned that she would come and visit me at work with some of her girlfriends on Friday night (I work at a night club). On Friday afternoon Brianna phoned me and told me she could not visit me because her friends backed out and she was still exhausted from our Thursday date. Nevertheless, we had a brief, playful conversation about our first date. I suggested a second date on Monday, but she told me she had school the next morning. But I told her we could do something fun and she agreed and we ended the conversation there.
On Sunday night I texted Brianna to see what time was good for her on Monday, but didn’t get a response. On Monday I wasn’t sure if we had a date or not, so I sent her a playful text to check with her. She responded, “I don’t think I can make it tonight. I have a paper to finish for school tomorrow!” I didn’t respond to her.
Doc, I don’t know if Brianna stood me up because she has low Interest Level in me or she actually had a legit reason to cancel our date. She didn’t offer to reschedule our date though. I don’t mind moving on, but at the same time I don’t want to make a mistake by overanalyzing the situation since we had such a great first date. Any thoughts?
Shimon – who’s scratching his head
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First of all, you shouldn’t be kissing a girl on the very first date. It’s way too fast to be going in for a kiss when you don’t even know the girl.
Now, why would you want Brianna to come and visit you at work with a gang of her friends? That’s called a GROUP DATE, guy, and according to my rules, it’s a no-no. But you don’t know that because you don’t have my book and you don’t listen to the Doc Love Club Radio Show. If Brianna were your girlfriend, then she could bring her friends over to visit you. But she’s not your girlfriend. So like most men, you’re RUSHING INTO REJECTION.
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So, Brianna’s excuse for not showing up at the nightclub was because her friends backed out. Let me ask you this, pal – couldn’t she come on her own and drink a couple of cups of coffee? But her excuse was that she was still exhausted from the other night. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “Hey, I’ll bet that if she was going to meet Brad Pitt, she’d get her energy level up!”
Why did you suggest a second date for Monday? After Brianna begged off seeing you at the nightclub, you should have waited a week to call her for another date. Again, you were rushing. What’s the big hurry, Shimon? And you’re rushing because you don’t know what you’re doing because you don’t have my book to guide you. The strategy of dating is fully explained in “The System,” my friend. Without my book you have no strategy, and without a strategy, you’ll never succeed at anything.
You say you had a second date with Brianna on Monday, but you didn’t set the time and place when you were going to pick her up. So what you really had was a “definite maybe” date. Again, this situation is fully detailed in my book, and since you don’t have it, you’re at a huge disadvantage when dealing with Brianna – or any girl, for that matter.
Nevertheless, you texted Brianna to bug her about this alleged Monday date. Another mistake. After you set a date, you don’t talk to the girl about it. You talk to her on the date – that’s what it’s for. But since you never set a time and a place, you had no clue what you were doing. You might have liked my column about broken dates, but in order to go into depth on these subjects, you have to have my book. “The System” explains to you what’s really going on with girls, Shimon.
Since you didn’t know whether or not you had a date with Brianna for Monday, you sent her a text. In other words, you were begging and you didn’t even know it. And like my cousin General Love says, “Your position is horrible.”
When Brianna told you that she’d rather work on a paper than be with you, you were OUT. Finished. This girl has ZERO Interest Level in you, dude. Think about it: in spite of kissing her on the first date, you never got to the second date. Like you, most guys would think that since she kissed you on the first date that she would take the second date – WRONG!
There is NEVER a legit reason to cancel a date. When Brianna didn’t offer to reschedule your date, it’s because she’s not interested in you. To you Psych majors, when women like you, they HELP you.
Shimon, the problem here is that you did have a great first date with Brianna and that raised your hopes and created an illusion. But until you get to eight or 10 dates with a girl and she’s your girlfriend, you can’t believe in anything that she says or does.
My thoughts? Easy — because you didn’t have my book, you didn’t get a second date.
Remember, guys: ask yourself, how many dates have you ever broken?
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